Dreaming of Possibilities

WORLD RACE BLOG

2010-09-20T11:38:00.002-04:00

I've found it fairly difficult to keep up 2 blogs while being overseas.
To keep in contact with me best - please follow my WORLD RACE BLOG and keep up with the many stories - as I travel with my team to 11 countries for 11 months.

http://christyzbylut.theworldrace.org

inspiration

2010-06-30T02:27:00.001-04:00

What inspires you?
What touches the very depths of your heart?
Is it new life? the passing of old?
What about triumph? trials? failure?
Perhaps success? romance? love and kindness?
What about breath? life? awakening each morning?

So much is set before us that may liven our hearts
yet so often we miss it.
We trudge our way through the dance of our day,
never once caring to lift our foot from it sorry place,
never once giggling and delighting in an unexpected twirl.
We moan and groan, complain, and hope for the next day,
while the present still remains.
Our hearts are walled in with schedules, agendas, meetings,
and selfish plans...we silence the laughter...
we silence the dance...we silence the silliness and freedom...
sometimes we silence the King.

I know I made it through my day,
What a bles-sed day it was...
but I'm far too tired to spend time now with You Lord, just because.
Priorities, priorities, where are your priorities?
Does the Word gather dust while your tv glimmers and shines?
Does the Word disappear along the shelf as your photos pollute its view?
Does your prayer time shorten and shorten on behalf of that ringing tone?
A text, a message, a call for sure...from that lovely one that you adore.

"My child, my child...why won't you hear me?
Come beloved, I long to meet with you.
Stop honoring me with your mouth - while your heart is far from me.
Stop going through the motions, you mean more than that to me.
I created you with purpose...not to make it or scrape by...
I created you for excellence - come beloved don't be shy.
My plans for you are good and great, if only you will hear.
Silence those silly idol distractions, set your eyes upon this prize.
I want your heart, your life, your everything - more than I want
your habits and rituals. Come, beloved, come! Let me be your inspiration!
Let me be your life!"

(previously posted/written December 2008 -Christy L. Zbylut)

living for 'the great' vs. 'the good that can work'

2010-06-24T15:32:00.003-04:00

Sometimes in the midst of all our planning, devising, scheming, and perfection seeking - we forget to dream. We neglect opportunities to dance, laugh, smile, and sing - we forget to imagine and believe for the unknown, the unseen, the unexpected. How beautiful it is to live in anticipation of something great - how beautiful it is to live for the KINGDOM!

By the spring semester of my freshman year in college, I'd been in a serious relationship of two years...and though confusion clouded my mind - everyone around me seemed solid in their stance and opinion of what I should be doing, where I should be, and who I should be. Amidst my confusion, and lack of feelings, I willingly listened and settled. We'd talked about the present, we'd shared about the past (a little), and we'd dreamt of the future...or so I thought. The longer I remained in this relationship - the more I disappeared, and each day I struggled to figure out what was wrong with "me" and why everyone else was so happy about this when I was so numb, so trapped, so suffocated, so empty and unfulfilled. Something was missing - something had lost its spark - something was at the end of its rope.

It's a scary thing to know you've been with someone for 2 years and don't love them like everyone says you should. It's scary to receive advice that makes you feel more wrong and confused about not having feelings. It's scary to lose yourself in the shadow of someone else. It's scary to settle and to disappear - but more terrifying than all this, is to finally see yourself and who you've become - simply because you settled - and let someone other than God truly define you - You let someone else's dreams and plans take ahold of your heart and block out the plans you were truly PURPOSED for, and knit together with.

I was reminded this week of a tough life lesson I will never forget - and will always treasure. It's a lesson that has challenged me, humbled me, molded me, led me, and from time to time...annoyed me.

I'll never forget that crisp late-winter day as the bus rolled into the campus center parking lot. Luggage crew was busy unloading as everyone else waited patiently on the bus. We'd just finished up a 10 day Chorale tour - leading worship at various venues across the east coast. I'd spent the week prior to tour fasting and praying with my prayer-partner. Her dedication and support pushed me to press through and helped me peel the scales from my eyes that had previously blinded me to the choice I was facing ahead. As my turn approached to get off the bus, I saw him - and a sickening nausea flooded my stomach. The very sight of him made me want to run and throw up - but my stubbornness to nip this in the bud pushed me on. Grabbing my luggage, I avoided his usual greetings, and headed toward my dorm room. The familiar voice of a sister sounded across campus..."Christy!!!!!!!!" I turned around and saw my dear sister Amy. Dropping everything in my arms I ran to her and received a giant hug.

It hit me..."woah...this is definitely over." You don't date someone for two years and forget about them. You don't date someone for two years and feel sick to see them. I did...and I knew something had to change. In my time away I'd been reminded of who Christy is, and was challenged to DREAM again. I'd begun to hear God's voice clearly again, and my heart heard Him whispering that there was more, more, more...greater depths to explore with Him....great adventure awaiting.

Not sure how to handle this situation...I dropped to my knees and began to pray.
"Lord, yes or no! please help me! I don't know what to do." Silence.
"Lord, seriously, please...just show me what to do!" Silence.
"Okay Lord, all I want to know is am I making the right decision?" ---
"Christy you can have this and it'll be good, and it can work - OR you can have these things I've been showing you, and it can be great." "Well Lord, I want the great!" I stuttered. - "Then you know what to do..." Silence.

I followed through - ended the relationship within the hour and was flooded with a freedom I didn't know I was missing out on. I've grown up a lot in the last 3 1/2 years --- and it hasn't always been easy --- and though the waiting has been rough at times, and I've been tempted to go searching for something that can "work" just to satisfy my desires for what I think is great - God's never left me hanging or without. He always keeps His promises - and has been teaching and molding my heart in such a bizarre, gentle way, that I've come to recognize that living for the great isn't wrapped up in achievements, worldly wealth, or even my expectations of what it should look like - living for the great is giving up my right to selfishly chase my own ambitions - and to seek first the Kingdom of God. It's understanding and breathing the truth that I am His beloved - He is mine - and His plans for me are GOOD, and PURPOSED, they are anointed and blessed, timely, and GREAT - infinitely and exceedingly above and beyond what I could ever begin to ask or imagine.

This is how I want my life to be in all things - always....living for the GREAT, waiting on the Lord, and trusting Him that no matter what curves, bumps, and twists I'll encounter - He's right there holding my hand - and walking with me into the destiny He created for me - the great. I don't want something that is simply good and can work. I want ALL God has for me. It is the cry of my heart to know Him deeper every day. Since I made the choice to pursue 'the great' - I've been blessed, provided for, and blown away in ways I never imagined possible. I've seen places, made friends, and experienced God in ways I wouldn't have, if I chose my own way or settled for something 'good that could work'.

I delight in knowing without a shadow of doubt, that the World Race is another aspect of the greatness He promised me I'd encounter and be a part of years ago...Here's to another year of greatness and the unexpected!!!!! If you'd journey with me...it'd be an honor!

When in Macon...

2010-06-05T15:44:00.004-04:00

After training camp I hitched a drive south with some WR sisters to the Macon area. After spending 6 months during internship living in this area, I was blown away at how quickly and lovingly these people welcomed me back into their lives. I had the privilege of attending HOG (the weekly young adult gathering downtown with fellow college students), as well as visiting Morningside (the assisted living facility I volunteered at), and Camp Pathway (where I worked for two months building relationships with many kiddos). I LOVED IT! I'm so thankful God allowed me an opportunity to visit with this beautiful network of brothers & sisters in the south.

*Camp Pathway staff from last year...*
Katherine memorized all 11 countries I'll be traveling to + recited them daily.
All the camp kiddos surrounding me with love and prayer as I head out!

a preview of WR training camp

2010-06-05T15:19:00.004-04:00

The amazing P-squad --- my beautiful family with 74 members!

Tent-ville (a glimpse) from training camp.

Dance party in the parking lot, anyone? The P-squad LOVES to dance.

Team Hinds Feet in our first official outing.

The first two world racers I met at the Atlanta Airport.

The Caribbean parade in downtown Atlanta...my team was excited to find Haiti!

Team Hinds Feet at the train station
after our ATL (Ask the Lord) day of ministry.

nerves and butterflies

2010-05-20T23:40:00.002-04:00

Training camp starts in 2 days...
tomorrow morning I drive downstate with my parents to catch my early 6:45am flight to training.
I have to admit, I'm a little nervous - but mostly excited.
You know...like first day of school butterflies...or graduation speech cotton mouth...or having to use the washroom a bajillion times before the big soccer game. I always seem to get nervous before I explode into leadership and powerful moments...with this experience in mind, I am rather excited to embark on the first part of my new journey/adventure. I continue to dream of all the things God has in store for the next year of my/my teammates lives as we travel the world - nation to nation - and share the love of Christ, while meeting the tangible needs of the people and facing issues of injustice head on. This is just the beginning...ready, set, GO!!!!!

I appreciate your prayers as I pack...and fly to Georgia.
Also, for the careful choosing of my team by those in leadership - and that this week will be a time where we can settle in, get focused, and become united in spirit and purpose as a team + a squad. To God be the glory!

tenting practice

2010-05-18T23:19:00.002-04:00

I recently purchased my WORLD RACE tent
+ decided to set it up in the living room.
The experience of setting up a world race tent simply wouldn't be complete without dragging out a sleeping bag, sleeping pad, pillow...and whatever other gear I happened to have spread out in the living room.
Here's a preview of my home for the next year of my life:

graduating college

2010-05-15T22:23:00.005-04:00

"Life is a journey during which we get to dance with people for a season."

It's been a beautiful season - of 4 years at Bethany.
I've seen the rains, and the rainbows -
been soaked and sprinkled - puddle jumped, swam, dove, and floated.
I've seen the winds, and been blown -
been refreshed, found new breath, learned to fly.
I've seen the autumns, and been captivated -
been perplexed, adventured, settled, been vibrant, and let go.
I've seen the winters, and been cold -
had the chills, frostbite, unthawing, and death.
I've seen the springs, and been refreshed -
found new life, delighted, danced, and laughed.

It's been a series of seasons - some unexpected and others prepared for. Despite the sometimes harsh winters, and thanks to the delightful springs, the illuminating and stretching autumns, I wouldn't change an ounce of my experiences at Bethany Bible College for anything but more time...
Time is precious, and though we search high and low for a pause button, it continues on - and days become weeks, which become months, which become years - and with time comes change - and with change growth - and with growth, the unexpected - the adventure + the fruit.

*Plain and simple - short n' sweet - a college graduate - that's what I be!*

I LOVE these girls!

2010-05-14T11:13:00.000-04:00

Friends are sometimes found in unexpected places
at unexpected times and for unexpected reasons.
Nevertheless, true friends pass the test of time,
distance, challenges, victory, trials, and blessings.
Sister-friends are unique all around -
and must be treasured for they are rarely found.
When you find a friend who will stand by your side
never forget to appreciate your time!

a turn of season...

2010-04-21T16:48:00.003-04:00

In 9 days I graduate college...
- 3 exams to write
- 1 speech to get 'formally' approved
- lots of thank you cards to write
- games to play
- hang outs to happen
- last conversations to take place
- good bye hugs
- prayer times
- making memories
In 31 days I will begin World Race training camp in Georgia...
- meeting my team
- visting my lovely Macon friends
- enjoying the deep south
- eatin' some chick fil'a
In 2 months my friends Amy and DJ are getting married.
In less than 3 months I will be in Haiti starting the WORLD RACE.

WOW!

forgotten in the forest

2010-04-17T14:53:00.005-04:00

I find myself at a strange crossroads...
despising the place I once loved most...
loving the people who have hurt me most...
though perhaps to despise is too harsh a term.
Detachment and release are at the forefront of my mind...
from this institution I once identified with.
Grateful for the years of instruction, friendship, and the like...
mourning the callousness of goodbyes and the ties I must admit, broke long ago.

Forgotten in the forest
I feel as I say goodbye...
Forgotten in the field
blinded by man's eyes...
Forgotten in the building
though hundreds stand near by.
Forgotten, forgotten, forgotten.

To finish with such little anticipation,
such small celebration,
such little regard, no reward, no acknowledgement.
To be a face unseen in a land where you've planted seed,
Tis' more tragic than loneliness itself.

Some things matter little in life and require much -
yet others matter much and require little or everything.
Such strange expectations,
Such peculiar boundaries,
Such unnecessary words,
Such puzzling contradictions,
Such unwanted practice...

Done.
Final.
Finished.
Successful.
Completed.
Expired.
Overdue.
Winner.
Victory.
the End.
Still Standing.

As I prepare to go...my heart races:
with questions
with answers
with dreams
with visions
with passions
with desires
with fears
with wonders
with hopes
with disappointments
with anxiousness and anticipation
with zeal and gusto
with preparedness
with adventure
with drive, motivation, encouragement
with Truth
with joy
with love
with hurt
with...

I love people - and they hurt me a lot.
I love laughter - and I cry a lot.
I love learning - and I fail a lot.
I love trying again - and I succeed a lot.
I love new seasons - and I hate saying goodbye.

The power of the tongue holdeth the ability to birth life or bring death.
May my words in the forgotten forest...
in this season of goodbye bring much light, life, joy, peace, and passion.
I find myself at a strange crossroads...
despising the place I once loved most...
loving the people who have hurt me most...
Grateful for the years of instruction, friendship, and the like...
mourning the callousness of goodbyes and the ties I must admit, broke long ago.

reunions and ceremonies

2010-04-13T19:30:00.006-04:00

All the past PLC got to meet up with Prez
@ Smitty's for milkshakes and story time.
The BBC Athletic Reception -
honoring all those who participate in athletics on campus!
Ministry to Adults class family -
Dr. Taylor facilitated a class we all grew to love and admire this semester.
Psalm class family.
As a small class we grew close, especially during our presentation times.

1 Peter 1:13-16

2010-04-11T22:45:00.002-04:00

"Therefore, prepare your minds for action; be self-controlled;
set your hope fully on the grace to be given you when Jesus Christ is revealed.
As obedient children,
do not conform to the evil desires you had when you lived in ignorance.
But just as he who called you is holy, so be holy in ALL you do;
for it is written: "Be holy, because I am holy."
(1 Peter 1:13-16 NIV).

maple syrup and 'womens work'

2010-04-01T22:37:00.000-04:00

Last Saturday I piled into a vehicle with three brothers and headed an hour and a half away to a little town called Tracy. Our purpose on this bright and early morning was to serve however we were needed.

Obviously from the get go, I was quite outnumbered, and oftentimes I feel frustrated when people even suggest my capabilities, skills, or work-abilities as less than that of any man, but slowly and surely over the last two years I've been learning to both trust and mostly to RESPECT. Men need respect, and while respecting them does not necessarily mean I am not just as or more capable than them of accomplishing some hard task - it does mean that I am allowing my heart to practice submission - and to build my brothers in Christ up by setting a good example of being supportive, and believing in them to accomplish it just fine without me.

Our destination was a little place known as the "Village of Hope" which is currently under construction and will eventually be a rehabilitation center for men struggling with drug & alcohol addiction. They will reside at the facility for 10 months and work some of the industries being established on the land: wood or the maple syrup sugary.

After brief introductions with all the men I was informed not to worry, that the women would arrive shortly with pancake stuff, and perhaps I could join them in making labels. I prayed I could get outside and do some hard, tough work - which for the majority of my life has been my measure of success vs. failure. Have I worked hard and given my all, or have I just sort of done something? Momentarily bypassing the suggestion that I peel and stick labels, we all loaded in the truck and headed off to stack wood. It felt good to chop mud, ice, and wood piles to get all the good stuff vs. the stuff that needed to be thrown away and burned. The day had just begun and I already felt closer to success and good accomplishment that I had expected. We loaded and stacked some more wood, and eventually it was lunch time.

We all gladly dined on pancakes -- and fresh, homemade maple syrup with the promise in the air of heading off to the sugary after lunch. We gathered our gloves, and gear, headed to the truck and suddenly I found myself in a bit of a situation. Standing among the company of 7-8 men, I was asked to join the women inside for clean-up duty. My heart sank. "So close yet so far" I thought to myself. I responded quickly so as not to show my true feelings on my face, and in the name of "serving" I wandered back down around the house and inside to do "womens work". Now the one thing I know to be true about womens work is that it's usually easy - and I have to admit I find it a little dull, meticulous, boring, but necessary because it comes so naturally. I've been doing these tasks since I was a toddler with my mom (and dad - they shared equal responsibilities and worked as a team). This is important because as I've grown up I've always felt a great need to be challenged in order to enjoy work.

Drying dishes, I struck up a conversation that was encouraging and interesting. We picked up dishes, pots, pans, and leftover supplies. Voila we were finished and there wasn't much else to do - but you know women...we always look for something else to do...and eventually we remember its all done. We finally finished and waited a little longer til' we could head over to the sugary! I danced my way to the truck. Finally! Finally! I get to go and see maple syrup made!!!

It was in this moment that God began to work on my heart - I remembered my humiliating walk down from the wood-stacking and group of guys to 'help clean up' and I remembered how icky and hard it was to swallow my pride and agenda to serve where people wanted me to serve this particular day. It was tough - and as we drove to the sugary I started to understand the purpose of "respecting" men - supporting them - and sometimes doing the seemingly unimportant little things even when we want to do the crazy, tough things. If for one purpose, and one purpose alone I spent that time helping clean up, it was to have a conversation with a new sister in Christ - and to allow the truth to sink into my heart that [tough work does not always = good work] as well as, "whatever we do, we are to do not as though we are working for men, but for God - He deserves to be honored in all things, great and small."

Later in the afternoon - happily at the sugary watching maple syrup be made, and helping stack more wood, we dined on maple taffy, freshly made with boiled syrup poured and rolled on snow. It was dining over this taffy that spurred a conversation between both myself and one of my brothers. I shared what I'd learned about "womens work" - and laughed deep inside as he said, "oooh are you joking? I would have totally love to do that! I would have traded with you in an instant." This silly conversation brought a full perspective to my understanding and lesson - sometimes guys don't enjoy doing the "tough work" and would much rather prefer doing some "women's work".

While today was a great opportunity to learn and serve - I think sometimes we need to remember not to miss the potential before us. We need to be intentional in placing people we work with and minister to, in places where they love what they are doing, and will be willing to pour all of themselves, and their passion into accomplishing what is before them. Sometimes in doing this, we find the unthinkable, and the impossible. Sometimes it can be beautiful. Sometimes learning things is as simple as "womens work" or as complicated as making maple syrup...what we take away from it, and how we choose to respond it totally up to us.

yard raking, snow shoveling, and a sweet little ol' lady named Dorreen

2010-03-17T23:44:00.000-04:00

College is full of busy days where you catch your breath in the morning and finally let it out later that night.
Today was a day like that for me. I awoke to the beautiful sunrise - sat through a few classes and was off to the races.
Meetings, responsibilities, papers, presentations...all looming over my head + the cold I've been warring with for the last week.

I felt like I needed to walk down the hill to the library and allotted myself 15 minutes to make necessary photocopies and to be back up the hill for some serious task-accompishing.Clad in my St. Patty's day attire - a green skirt, dress blouse, and boots...I'm not quite sure what came over me, but I found myself stopping part way down the hill to speak to an older woman raking her yard. "Hello!" I offered politely attempting to saunter on my way, but my feet became like cement blocks. I wasn't going any where no matter what I tried. "Could I help you rake your lawn?" I suddenly found myself asking. The surprised on her face told me this was an uncommon occurrence for her. Seeing she was quite taken with the offer I asked if she had an extra rake. "Why dear...you don't have to do that. I'm sure you've got plenty of places to be and go. You go along dear."

Feet cemented to the sidewalk I gave the situation one final push "Oh no worries M'am. I would love to help you and no one is expecting me to be anywhere right now. Let's make this yard of yours really nice so the green grass can come out." She was convinced and offered me her rake so she could go into her shed to get another one. I quickly removed my coat and started working.Noticing an amazingly frozen heap of icy snow near the front of her yard I asked if she could bring a shovel as well. "Oh dear I don't know if that thing will ever melt" she replied. "Oh we'll get it! We'll chop it right up!" I assured her.

She returned with her shovel and an additional rake. She casually mentioned needing to find a solution for the dog poop in her yard. There were a few places where the dog had secretly left his mark and she was unaware. Like a kindergartner eager to be the line leader I found myself excitedly volunteering "I'll clean the poop...and put it in a bag. Oooh pick me". haha! In my mind this was quite a riot, but in the moment I was completely serious.

I soon found out the lady's name was Dorreen and she will be turning 80 in May. She lives a fairly simple life accompanied by her dog Buster, but loves keeping her yard clean. She complimented the neighbor across the street on the great work of their yard only to receive an encouraging reply of "you'll never get that ice mount chopped up."

Shovel full after shovel full, I chopped, I smooshed, I clanked, and scooped, and cleaned - until that ice chunky pile was nothing. My genius idea involved tossing all this ice and snow into the road, which proved to work in some ways as it melted it super fast. It distracted a few drivers who slowed down to laugh or smile at us working. An hour + 1/2 later I found myself hugging Dorreen as she slipped $10 in my hand and admiring a clean yard practically cleansed of all winter's markings.

My point in sharing this story is in no way to say that I am some how amazing. My motive is this - to remind us all how even in the midst of busy, hard to breathe times, that God still deserves to be and should be King of our time - completely in charge. I didn't intend on stopping on my way down the hill - and who knows how many times in the past I've passed by opportunities to show the excellence and love of Christ - for the sake of meeting some deadline, expectation, or to-do list. People like Mrs. Dorreen exist in all neighborhoods, and while I had no time for anything outside of meetings, etc. today, God somehow made time for me to spend 1 1/2 hours cleaning this lady's yard. In all honestly, it was the highlight and most useful thing I did all day. I wouldn't have traded that time for any other.

One thing that really stood out to me came through something Dorreen spoke to me toward the end of our adventurous project. As I scooped shovel full of ice, after shovel full of ice into the roadway from around her flower beds she asked me, "Dear, why don't you just quit? Why are you working so hard?" One word ran through my head in this moment, "Excellence". Christ call us to be excellent in all we do - and to liken the work we do for others unto work we are truly doing for the glory of God.

Yard raking, ice chopping, and a sweet ol' lady named Dorreen are enough to significantly alter one's plans and agendas in such a way that you can't imagine what would have happened if you didn't stop...I dare y'all to stop today and let God control your time.

good gifts

2010-03-08T22:27:00.003-05:00

I love finding random scribblings here and there amongst notebooks, my Bible, pads of paper I never went back to writing in since the last time some profound thought came about. I first of all want to encourage you when you have revelations or thoughts to write them down - when God does a work in your heart write it down - write your journey - record it. It's always a beautiful thing to look back over where you've been, to think about where you're going and to track how you've gotten there.

Tonight I found a paper with some encouraging words I wanted to share with you my faithful blog readers:

Have you ever had a moment where you said to yourself, "this is what I thought ---" or "this is what I wanted ---" BUT GOD... "did this" or "sent me here", etc? I had a good friend tell me once that God gives good gifts even in the midst of disappointments.

It seems like we spend our lives in the crazy circle of "I ---> which leads to BUT God..." Realizing it or not - the but God part is always the best part - because it always offers us an opportunity to partake of the plan He has for us and our lives. It's a place of fullness that is sometimes painful, but after the stripping away, the real beauty can be seen.

You may have certain agendas, plans, aspirations, dreams, or even relationship that don't truly fit you - they're practically like wearing a 3x shirt when you should really wear a M or a size Small when you're shaped for a large --- BUT God loves you, so allow Him to direct you --- allow yourself to see the good gifts, the blessings even in times of seeming disappointment!

dance, dance, dance

2010-03-05T11:40:00.002-05:00

"Dance" by David Crowder Band
This song encourages me with the simple truth in it's lyrics and motivation to just DANCE --- to praise the Lord --- to be perfectly FREE!!!

the pesky little tick

2010-02-25T16:16:00.003-05:00

Walking through a dead, grassy field today, I found myself reminded of the season I spent in Georgia. "Christy...you're in Canada now...there are not ticks or snakes under these piles of brush." Spending most of my growing up years in Northern Maine, I was used to free, mostly clean and critter-free woods. Working at an outdoor day camp in the middle of a humid Georgia summer changed forever my perspective on walking in the woods. I could no longer stroll, eyes to the sky, just wandering wherever my feet took me. I had to be alert, intentional, deliberate. Danger, icky bugs, and poisonous plans lurked around every corner. Poison ivy, poison oak, poison spiders...The only question I found myself asking time and time again in the woods was..."what can I step on?"

One critter in particular which I was not over fond of was the 'tick'.
People talk about ticks and you think nothing of them until they're on you.
The worst part about a tick is that you don't always recognize its presence right away.
A tick can jump, leap or cling to you at a moment's notice and until you realize it, you're stuck with the consequences - which if not treated in a timely manner can lead to sickness and perhaps death.

The first time I heard tell of these sickening little creatures we were on a nature walk with a group of counselors - doing prep work and exploring the trails we would be taking campers on for the remainder of the summer. Our leader convinced me that as long as I sprayed just my feet and ankles with bug spray, the ticks would stay away. I believe him...until people started finding "super ticks" on their shoulders...faces...heads...and backs. ICK! How did those get there? I thought we'd prepared and cleaned ourselves up enough that we couldn't be touched! Nevertheless, the ticks found a way. I was no longer convinced that merely covering over one area of myself would prevent tick encounters.

I became obsessed with checking myself for ticks...and had at least a dozen encounters. Thankfully, none of them ever embedded in me deep enough to need medical attention. What's the scariest part about having an encounter with a pesky little tick? Well, the first part we've already explored - you don't always recognize it's there. The second and perhaps more important aspect is that once you do recognize its presence, it doesn't leave easily. A simple sweep of the hand does nothing but raise one's anxiety level in realizing this little sucker is literally stuck to them.

Hitting, patting, scrapping...none of this will remove the tick...and if the slight possibility of it actually working does occur...the tick usually quickly attached itself to the finger, hand, etc. which was sweeping it away. This doesn't make the situation any better. To remove a tick, one must squeeze the surface of the skin and pull the tick away from the skin. Sometimes we don't catch these surface dwelling ticks and they somehow bore their way beneath our skin - this requires some serious digging on behalf of a medical professional.

So why all this elaborate talk about ticks? I was reminded in the field today that ticks are sort of like the sin in our lives. Sometimes we're just walking along, uncovered, unprepared, unknowledgeable about what's around us, unfamiliar with the woods which we seek to explore - and we believe what others tell us in terms of "getting by" or "making things right". Much like ticks, sin attaches itself to our lives in such a way that we don't always notice it right away. If we leave it long enough that area of our lives will likely swell, rage with infection, and make us absolutely sick. The tick, or sin will become so engorged we won't be able to fathom how it ever got rooted beneath our skin in the first place.

Another aspect of this I realized is that sin is never easily swept off the surface - it fights, it clings, it burrows, and if we try to approach it with the naive belief that we can somehow sweep it away, it will undoubtedly attach itself somewhere else - likely the nearest exposed area it sees. Getting rid of ticks can be painful and hard work...it can be frustrating and hurtful and sometimes seem not worth the work it requires - but it's necessary. Not dealing with it will lead to rotting flesh. We need to approach the sin areas of our lives with intention, a deliberateness that is willing to pinch however hard it takes to squeeze the rotting goop out of us.

Sometimes the sin our our lives...much like an engorged tick, is so deeply rooted, that it requires the assistance of a "medical professional" or a brother/sister in Christ to support us in the situation. Christ created the "body", the "church" because we are relational people - and we need one another to function, to thrive. We are called to love and serve one another in such a way that we reflect the heart of the Kingdom, the Father's heart. "Where two or more are gathered, He is in their midst" (Matthew 18:20).

With all this said, I feel as though I need to make one final thing clear - just because ticks are around and the risk of them attaching to our lives is available daily - does not mean we are to walk around living in fear of these ticks...of sin. We need to walk boldly and confidently by the power of Christ in us, as the Bible instructs us - not in fear. When we accept Christ as our Savior, the old man is gone and we are given a new nature, created to be like Christ Jesus. This doesn't mean that "ticks" no longer exist, just that we walk with greater awareness and preparedness when we know they are around.

As Christians, we also become more accustomed and consistent in "checking ourselves" before the Lord to see if there is any sinfulness in our hearts or lives. Checking and examining oneself is vital to our spiritual health and growth, as well as uncovering those pecky little 'ticks' we didn't realize took up residence on the surface/under our skin!

fading

2010-02-24T20:48:00.003-05:00

Fading slowly, fading fast.
Freedom, freedom, here at last.
Fading slowly, fading fast.
Freedom, freedom such a blast.
But wait...
Just one moment...
an unexpected turn...
just waiting now to crash and burn.

Breathe in.
Breathe deep.
The ship's begun to sink...
overboard you go...to the depths below.

Fading slowly, fading fast.
Why does the freedom never last?
Regrets and failures plague the mind,
Rotting a person from deep inside.
Expectations run rampant, yet the heart remains vacant...
Fading slowly, fading fast.

Thousands of questions long to know why
Why, oh why, do I ever try?
Inadequate, worthless, lonely, and still...
You lovingly hold me and calm the greatest chills.
God my God, why must this torrent rage?
Can I truly weather the storm?
Or will I fail in shame?

Purpose and process...
My heartbeat at last.
Wonder when someone will just think to ask.
How are you? Where are you?
Can I know you a bit more?
Oh friend, dear friend, we have much in store.

Created for relationship, yet alone in a crowd.
Heart full of love covered in a cloud.
Light and darkness fighting ever so hard...
to determine whose side you shall walk upon.

Aching, breaking, crying and still...
Mended, yes mended, Your Word in me stills...
the greatest of pains in this strange heart of mine...
the deepest of wounds that once chained me like a vine...
the driest of seasons where my thirst could not be quenched...
the place in my soul that so often felt wrenched.

Restore, restore...quickly Lord come!
The fountain is waiting...Your life water and blood.
Teach me Your ways, that I might know and do...
No longer fading...but rather made new.

senior class

2010-02-20T01:19:00.003-05:00

Here's a semi-complete photo of the senior class at Bethany Bible College.
A handful of us are graduating this May, while the rest of this rowdy crew is
heading out all around the world on their 5-6 month internships!

go go going

2010-02-07T19:58:00.002-05:00

Ever stop to catch your breath?
Ever stop to breathe in deep?
Ever stop to seek?
Ever stop to see the unseen?
Ever stop to care?
Ever stop to consider or think?
Ever stop to dare?

Go go going, it never seems to stop.
Go go going, creates a messy slop.
Go go going is not always the best.
Go go going, eliminates one's rest.

How do we rest?
How do we work hard?
How do we balance without going crazy?
How to we achieve without being lazy or obscene?
How do we seek and think and rest and be...in the midst of a culture that demands:
Go go going...

curling...

2010-02-03T00:12:00.003-05:00

Recently I learned how to curl.
I guess I can officially say Canada is my "half home native land".
We go every Friday at school during lunchtime.
I've been twice so far, and it is a blast!!!
Shortly before this picture was taken, my team won 2-0! :)

night of worship

2010-02-03T00:01:00.001-05:00

Last Saturday (January 30th) I had the privilege, along with my wonderful teammates (Eli, Dan, Andrew, Kaylie & Shane) of leading worship at the University of Maine at Presque Isle: UMPI. Transformations Ministries has had the vision recently of beginning a worship movement in our local area - encouraging the community to connect together, to unite as the body of Christ in worship - to spread the fire of the Holy Spirit and to see revival birthed in the North.

Saturday was the first ever Night of Worship also known as N.O.W. It was a blessing to be in the presence of the Lord and humbling to lead worship. Certain points were a battle and I struggled with my voice, but after having my throat anointed and being prayed with by the prayer team, a new boldness came over me, and we worshiped with every last ounce of energy, breath, and joy we had. I was blown away by the hearts of my teammates, selflessly pouring out their time, energy, and gifts into being a part of this night. Watching the Holy Spirit move in their hearts blessed me beyond what mere words can begin to describe - and having the Lord do a healing, cleansing work in my own heart was sweet as well.

There were moments of breakthrough during the night of worship, and I truly believe God was doing work in hearts beyond what we heard about or were able to see. I believe seeds were planted, healing work was done, restoration begun, and purpose discovered. I believe people had a love encounter with the Love of God, and will never view worship the same. I say this, not because of anything that I have done, but simply because it amazes me how when we ask the Lord to use us - how creatively, intricately, intentionally plugs us into just the right places, for such a time as this to serve Him - to advance His Kingdom - to reveal His glory!

My team will be leading a few more times this spring - so continue to pray that God will awaken our local area, and the hearts of university students to come and meet with Him - to discover the life-altering, plan disturbing Love of God - true Love - real Love - cleansing, healing, restoring, peace and joy unspeakable!

The lyrics to one of our songs have particularly struck me these last few weeks - they are from a song "To the Service":
"We will worship, like it's the last time we will...and we will worship, like it's the last time we will..."
If we gave all of ourselves to God - all the time - how much different would everyday life be? If our worship was not merely lip service - but a sacrifice of daily love? What if we knew we would never have another chance to worship God? How intense and intentional would we be that last time? It should be that way every time!

world race update

2010-01-28T12:53:00.002-05:00

I was asked by someone to explain what I am preparing to do on the World Race and what I expect/believe I will bring to it. Here are some thoughts:

"Ever since I was a little girl, I've felt called to love people.During my time here at Bethany God has stretched, kneaded, and grown my heart with a passion for the nations overseas. With Christian Counseling at the core of my studies, I hope to one day offer healing, and restoration services by the power of the Holy Spirit, to men and women hurting and chained overseas as a result of the sex trade. I discovered the World Race during my internship and it is my heart's desire to serve in this endeavor with all that I am. The basic premise of the World Race involves ministering for 11 months in 11 different countries. Starting this July, for the next year of my life, I will be living completely out of a backpack - sleeping in a tent or hostel with 6-7 teammates - living among the native people of various lands, and loving them at the point of their need in Jesus' name. My July 2010 team will be working with issues such as AIDS education, orphan outreach, human-trafficking, and gypsy outreach. I view this adventure as somewhat of a "mission buffet" through which the Lord is preparing to expose my heart to a variety of people groups, in a variety of conditions, cultures and circumstances, to LOVE until it hurts and to keep on loving. I believe my heart is going to be forever changed as I see the love of Christ permeate through language barriers, living conditions, and seemingly hopeless, dark places. I believe God is raising up an army of worshipers in my generation, awakening people to run to the battlefield - and in losing our lives to Him in worship - to truly find LIFE!"

A few extra details:
-So far I have 27% of my support raised (roughly $4,000 of $15,000 needed - this covers ALL expenses - travel, insurance, visas, etc.)
-We currently know 6/11 countries - as the July route is a mystery route. We've been given clues from time to time to research in order to discover what country we will be serving in.
1) The Dominican Republic (July)
2) Haiti (August)
3) Mozambique
4) Cambodia
5) Romania
6) Turkey
+ 5 others yet to be determined!

*For more information check out: http://christyzbylut.theworldrace.org or http://theworldrace.org.

a few recent happenings

2010-01-28T12:00:00.001-05:00

Night skiing with the family at Big Rock!

Visiting Prince Edward Island and my roommate Sarah!
We made a short & chilly stop at Cavendish Beach.

why I'm going...

2010-01-26T13:46:00.002-05:00

Today I happened upon the video God broke my heart with in calling me to the World Race.
I searched and searched in days following my application for the July 2010 race, and now several months later...I found it:

Bless the Lord!
These issues are part of my heart's passion and desire to fight for...the rest of my life.

preparing to worship

2010-01-18T23:27:00.003-05:00

Worship has been at the forefront of my mind for the last season of time.
Opportunities to praise the Lord and "Bless the Lord at all times" have not been limited - that's for sure.
Each day the mercies of the Lord are new, and He deserves our praise - regardless of our circumstances, feelings, or opinions.
He is always worthy.

I think sometimes that's a difficult concept to grab ahold of and actually implement in our lives.
Surprisingly enough, worship is not just getting together to sing a bunch of songs - worship is to be a LIFESTYLE.
Our worship is to be a part of every breath, glance, thought, movement, and choice throughout our day.
Hum....that's a bit scary. That would mean that when my glances, thoughts, movements, or choices aren't to the glory of God, or offered as a sacrifice of worship to Him -- perhaps sometimes they are tainted? defiled? broken? tattered? downright ugly? bruised? not the best of the best I have to give?

God is a jealous Lover - and His demand is not a portion of our hearts, nor even an element. Rather - His desire is for the whole. C.S. Lewis wrote in his book A Plain Account of Christian Perfection that "it is an absolutely impossibility to be half Christian, for the call and even definition of a true Christian is to be ALL devoted to God, to give Him all my soul, my body, and my substance." Yes, that means everything, even the things that hurt, or we love more than anything else - He wants it all - He wants us all: body, soul, and substance. Wow!

With many 'worship opportunities' on the horizon (and I even hesitate to call them that, because it is my greatest desire that my life flow out of worship to my King, my Lover, my Savior, the One to whom all praise is due) --- In the midst of this season I find myself asking a lot of questions - and really discovering the true power and drive behind my voice and craving to exalt the Lord through music, dance, speaking, teaching, and even laughing. Yes, laughter can be an offering of worship. Why not? "The JOY of the Lord is my strength!" and "He has made me glad! Rejoice!"

Tonight I found a thought that both affirmed some things I have felt led to do in this season of preparation, and also challenged me like a two-by-four in the knee caps, for the sheer temptation to feel shame for not acting on these motivations sooner. The thought, from The Upward Call explains our preparation for worship like this: " The failure to prepare heart and mind and body for worship is to render oneself tone deaf to the things of the Spirit". I have to admit, that one stung a little...but I feel encouraged to press on.

To close these brief thoughts on worship and being wholly prepared to go before the Lord. One of my brothers Elijah shared this song with me a few weeks ago and it has tugged at something in the depths of my heart. God bless!

silent company

2010-01-06T01:07:00.002-05:00

Adventuring through old journals always brings about the inevitable discovery of old thoughts, ponderings, and findings. Here's one from my freshman year of college journal:

"To be silent with another person is a deep expression of trust & confidence and it is only when we are uncomfortable that we feel compelled to talk. To be silent with another person is truly to be with that other person." -John Main

"I Surrender" by: Kim Walker

2010-01-03T01:07:00.002-05:00

This video so speaks to where my heart is right now:

There is no love, sweeter than the love You pour on me.
There is no song, sweeter than the song You sing to me.
There is no place, that I would rather be,
Than here at Your feet, laying down everything.

All to You, I surrender,
Everything, every part of me.
All to You, I surrender,
All of my dreams, all of me.

If worship's like perfume, I'll pour mine out on You.
For there is none as deserving of my love like You.
So take my hand and draw me into You,
I want to be swept away, lost in love for You.

I surrender...

No turning back, I've made up my mind,
I'm giving all of my life this time.

Your love makes it worth it,
Your love makes it worth it all,
Your love makes it worth it all.

Christmas time...

2009-12-26T21:29:00.000-05:00

internship reflection (part 1)

2009-12-24T09:59:00.002-05:00

(These thoughts are inspired from my comprehensive reflection paper/final assignment. It's rather appropriate that there are 6 parts.)

The Georgia sun pressed wildly upon my face as we wound through the wooded roadway to discover a small village of sorts amidst nature’s peace and quiet. Beholding the landscape before me, I quickly realized this would be the official stomping grounds of my newest six month adventure – internship. Little did I know that this beauty would be present before be the majority of my days in Georgia. Its captivating features would allow me opportunities of much thinking and reflection, even during the toughest of days.

Breathtaking baby blue, cloudless skies were enchanting, as well as glimmering golden beams of warmth and heat. I felt worlds away from anywhere I’d ever been before, and yet I knew in my heart of hearts, this was just the beginning. Macon, Georgia, full of historical roots from the early days of our country’s foundation was completely opposite of little Aroostook County, Maine where I’ve spent the last sixteen years of my life. In a matter of moments I went from secondary, bumpy roads, to four lane highways – from two grocery stores to two within a mile of each other – from small town to big city – from neighborhoods to ghettos or plantations.

If one cliché statement in all my life rings true it is simply, “Home is where the heart is”. This new, strange, warm, foreign land somehow became my home for six months – and with little planning, thought, or even consideration of things being any other way than they simply were, I began to change. Home somehow became the place where I met Him – deep in my heart. Home was no longer a building, or specific town, nor a school, old memory, or ideal – it was quite simply found in my heart – in the One whom my heart finds total and utter rest in.

Breaking apart from all things familiar made me absolutely uncomfortable, yet this season of preparation was crucial, vital even, to my character development, and discovery of an even deeper passion for the work of Christ. Understanding that God never brings us through anything He does not fully intend on using for His glory and our growth, sustained me on many occasions through the storms of this season. It uplifted me during many celebrations, victories, and accomplishments in this season. It puzzled me in many obstacles, opportunities, and relationships this season – yet overall, God consistently remained faithful!

Considering my time and ministry experiences over these last six months, I believe part of my final journal touches on it best, “It’s strange how quickly we transition from beginning to end – be it in a season, a class, a career, a moment in time – whatever it may be, the changes, experiences, and lessons gleaned are never fully captured in the instances themselves, but rather later on, after reflection has been practiced, and consideration been given.”

“I believe my internship in Macon, Georgia has been one of those times in my life where I have learned and grown, yet I know this is just the beginning. I know there is much more to learn, and much more to experience. While this place has been my ‘stomping grounds’ for the last six months, and God has allowed various relationships to become strong and focused on Him in this season, I cannot help but feel like it’s almost unnatural to be finished.’

“Honestly, when I began my internship initially, it felt like six months was a long period of time – ½ a year – a whole summer and semester at school – yet, looking back now, I wonder and cannot help but laugh at how considerably different I think, act, and feel since May. Coming to Georgia has been full of its surprises, mostly wonderful, and sometimes disappointing and downright frustrating” but overall, it’s been beautiful, and completely life changing.

My internship has been a season of becoming – of blossoming – beholding – warring – stripping – stretching – bearing – and adventuring. I believe now, more than ever, that I have become more of the young woman God has intended me to be. My Nana summed it up uniquely in saying, “Christy, dear, you have truly blossomed.” The way I speak, think, carry myself, laugh, discover, research, write, and communicate have all been significantly refined and grown. I found myself beholding the Lord and His love for people in ways like never before. I found myself undone – shaken – disturbed even. There were moments even, when I was too moved to speak, to think, to walk, to question. Encountering the Living God in a foreign land was necessary for me at this point in my life. It enabled me to pursue the fullness of what God had for me in Georgia be it through opportunities to serve, relationships, or even building connections.

internship reflection (part 2)

2009-12-24T09:57:00.000-05:00

Spiritually, it was not uncommon for me to experience warring between thoughts, mindsets, expectations, and even condemnation from various people in the church or family as I journeyed along these six months of discovering. I was left feeling broken and bare – yet free like never before. Laughter filled my belly with joy unspeakable, and a new set of lenses were placed on my eyes allowing me to see things in ways I never imagined possible. My discernment grew, and so did the heaviness and responsibility weighing on my heart. Working with many different people in Georgia exposed me to hurts, stories, and ideas I’d never classified as reality before. It motivated me to work even harder at bringing Light and Truth to darkened places.

Stretching became a daily practice in my life, and I don’t necessarily mean the physical, literal stretching of muscles before/after exercising. My living arrangements were in constant flux and my patience was tried on a variety of levels. I never realized prior to internship that I required or even had a personal bubble of space. Until the day that space was invaded, I was content – then I found it necessary to adjust and fight through the daily button pushers which attempted to distract or take away from the truly important matters at hand.

With this, I learned there are always multiple perspectives present in any given circumstance or happening – yet in our selfish, clouded lenses, we often struggle to see beyond ourselves. Many of us run for the mirror when something is wrong to give ourselves a little pep talk, when in reality, we’re missing what we truly should be reflecting on and learning from. God certainly adjusted my lenses throughout this experience, and gave me fresh sight.

As my heart was laid bare before the Lord – I found myself recklessly abandoned and dependent upon Christ in all aspects of my life. I began to recognize the passions of my heart – and that I, just as everyone else, have a unique heartbeat, designed for a specific, God honoring purpose. Life is an adventure – and the joy is in the journey. My adventure has just begun, and my heartbeat or passion is slowly but surely becoming more focused and aligned with that. As my heartbeat became more familiar to my ears, and more aligned with His, I began to see my prayer from a few years ago take root in my life, “to love until it hurts and to keep on loving”.

As I recognized I had been given this precious, unique, and purposeful heartbeat, I also recognized that at times it was probably going to hurt, and it does – and at times it was going to seem not worth it, but it always is – and at times I’d be tempted to give up, but the One who gives me breath, and a heartbeat gives me Life. Something quite profound to ponder is the idea that blood represents life. A heartbeat involves the pumping of blood to vital organs so life may be sustained. A heartbeat without the blood of life refuses to function and is completely useless, but one with this blood of life, offers a very useful and necessary contribution to the body.

The reality that Christ shed His blood for me, that I might have life in Him – that this heartbeat, or purpose in my life might take root, and pump essential nutrients, strength, and oxygen to the other vital organs of the body has blown me away. The heart is sort of like a leader and a servant amongst the organs. The heart both gives and receives freely, yet it always expends or serves with a lot of energy and work to accomplish its task. It is always on the go, even while it rests. The heart rests in action – and understands the necessity and life altering importance of the whole body resting.

My heartbeat is one of many in the body of Christ, yet it is uniquely designed. I am purposed to bring life to the nations of this world, to the other people groups who have never heard the name of Jesus. These new lenses or sight have made this purpose, this vision, even clearer. They have, or better yet, He has revolutionized the way I see, think, and feel about life!

I came into this journey assuming or better yet expecting a lot of things. I believe expectations are a good thing, and are highly necessary in motivating us through various seasons of life – but we must remain aware and cautious with these expectations. It is far too easy to allow expectations to become agendas, and when we live blindly by agendas, we miss the fullness and potential of the experience at hand. We often leave disappointed, and forget why we even began adventuring in the first place. Sometimes I found myself intentionally guarding against these expectations, so I would not naively face disappointment or even failure.

Despite these initial expectations, I left Georgia knowing two things for sure. First of all, I have a remarkable story that is worth telling, it needs to be told. Secondly, I am loved by God. All my expectations were shattered over the course of six months as I watched painful growing moment after painful growing moment move me, break me, and ultimately shape me.

I must clarify that these ‘painful growing moments’ were not a horrible thing, but rather were very necessary, beautiful, exposing, life-changing opportunities. When I put this together with something Mr. Dan Rodgerson said in Crisis Counseling, I am encouraged, “a crisis can either be a problem, or an opportunity”. I faced a lot of ‘crises’ while on my internship, but the more I viewed them as opportunities instead of problems, the greater my resiliency became.

God has given me a heartbeat for the nations, and to live my life doing anything else would be absurd and utterly tormenting. My religious mindsets and Pharisaic walls were torn down, piece by piece, blasted into unfixable pieces. My critical thoughts and judgments were consumed and replaced with LOVE and FREEDOM as the Holy Spirit gained ground and ultimate control in my life.

These crises I soon realized were oftentimes rooted in selfishness or pride – sometimes on my part, and sometimes on the part of those I was dealing with. Regardless of who these crises stemmed from, the Lord used these moments to grow me, to teach me, and to mold me. I found direction in the strangest places, amongst the strangest and most unlikely company – but that has truly been the beauty of this season – encountering the unknown and the unexpected in the most unthinkable conditions.

I realize now more than ever that I am a constant work being molded in the hands of the Potter, and regardless of where I’m at, He still loves me! I don’t reckon I can ever look at people, including myself the same. I realize during this season my heart has changed a lot – but mostly my eyes have been opened, my attitude softened, and my trust laid bare, tested, and affirmed in Him. As a result, a great work in my heart was able to take root and begin the beautiful, painful process of refining and rebuilding.

internship reflection (part 3)

2009-12-24T09:55:00.001-05:00

Looking back, my thought process during this journey was somewhat like a roller coaster. I swept around corners and was launched down deep drop-offs until finally I reached the straight away at the finish where no amount of nausea could overcome the humor I had found in the ride, or the smile that rested not only upon my face, but deep in my heart. During this internship, God has truly changed the way I think.

One of the cognitive objectives for internship is “to develop the reflective skills to think analytically about a variety of ministry situations”. I believe this statement rings true of my experience with one simple exception, I believe the statement has taken route in my life on a much broader scale, encompassing all aspects of my life woven together – with ministry as a lifestyle, not merely a job or given situation – but a fulltime way of life. As mentioned earlier, ministry has become my heartbeat – or rather, I have discovered it has always been my heartbeat, but now, through this season of internship, and the beautiful opportunities I was given, I have been able to see this part of my life unveiled.

A challenge now lies before me – to go, to serve, and to love. I never imagined I would absorb or encounter all the things I did while I was in Georgia. Every emotion, feeling, and thought I could possibly muster played a part in this ‘roller coaster’ journey. Some days it was an elating experience. Some days it was a mind boggling experience. Some days it was a treacherous and heartbreaking experience. Some days it made me sick and I wanted nothing more than to get away. Other days it made me hungry for more or left me dizzy and confused. Still other days it was downright exhausting, but most days, it was simply blessed.

Ministry is servant hood, and through this experience I have learned a lot about the importance of being flexible, and what it looks like to put others first. Honestly, this practice of putting others first is not always a fun or immediately pleasant experience, but in the end it is always very rewarding and saturated with opportunity to learn and grow. Once we become more practiced and familiar with this way of living, we begin to reap the immediate rewards because we don’t expect some grand display of satisfaction – simplicity begins to capture and delight our hearts, and as we watch others being blessed through our simple, imperfect, but wholehearted efforts, we too are blessed.

Another behavioral objective involved the idea of integrating worthwhile questions into daily conversation, basically as part of the natural flow of things. I find myself asking more intentional, useful questions, rather than simply trying to get something accomplished. I feel like I have somehow become an undercover investigator, searching adamantly for clues and important information to move forward in my life mission. If we refuse to ask questions and stick around to listen to the answers, we deny ourselves the invaluable opportunity of sifting through thoughts, perspectives, information, opinions, and even various theses.

I truly feel as though I “came into my own” over these last several months – that despite moments of loneliness and lacking fellowship, that I learned of a love much greater and intense available to me in a special way – Christ’s love. I feel as though the various opportunities I was given to assist with several ministries reminded me that we must be intentional in doing Kingdom work, and must not settle for anything less than what our heart’s potential can give.

I was exposed to varying age groups, genders, family conditions, and even religious denominations. In the South, everyone “knows Jesus”, though sadly because people seem to know Him everywhere, no one seems to care about having a relationship with Him. It was strange to move from a very cold, semi-closed climate to the Gospel, to one that was very accepting, yet unfruitful. Granted, this is not always the case, but living in an environment where the seed fell on soft ground, and grew up quickly; only to die, was a little discouraging.

This is an essential understanding to have in ministry down south – especially in regards to planting churches or even becoming part of a certain congregation. If one was to lose sight of the ultimate goal: pointing people to a living, real, intimate relationship with Christ, they would certainly be in danger of getting ‘lost in the church’. That certainly sounds like an oxymoron, yet many people week after week, trudge like prisoners, or creatures of habit to their familiar cushioned seats, in the familiar row, near strange people, and remain ‘ lost in the church’. This is often only the case with people who are still willing to go to church.

As a result of the flippant use of the term “Christian” in the south, many people do not even have to attend or even practice any form of Christian service or lifestyle to claim the title. If they attended any revival meeting and wrote down a date and time in the back of their Bible, that is all the proof they need that their eternity is secure and they are good to go. Unfortunately this has made many people closed to the True Gospel of Christ because when people claim to be Christians but live the opposite it is more destructive that rewarding. Many people are often hurt, confused, or even distracted in the process.

I quickly discovered during my learning experience, that the more intentional you are about getting into the community and learning to deal with people, the more receptive they are to Christ. Consistency is key in any form of ministry. If you are going to feed the homeless one Thursday evening, don’t make it a “one hit wonder” sort of deal. Consistency builds relationships – trust – rapport – and eventually heart connections. Do a food night every Thursday, build upon it and expose people to the living, active Word, through your conduct, your humility, your actions, your generosity, your joy, and peace.

I have come to see, it is equally as important that you remember these people outside of ‘food night’ outreaches. If you happen to wander to that same part of town on another day, there is absolutely no excuse as a message bearer of the Gospel of Jesus Christ to ignore, cold shoulder, or flee from these people. They are no different than they were on any given Thursday night, and neither should you be. They are equally as unworthy of Christ’s love as we are, and they deserve just as much of an opportunity to know Him in relationship, and to receive His gift of eternal life!

The revelation that church is to be an organic, relational, growing experience was greatly affirmed during my six months in Georgia. I quickly found, the prettier the building, the uglier the people – the uglier the building, the more genuine the people. Why is that? I can boil it down to only on thing – Pride! Pride takes beautiful things and makes them ugly because of twisted perspectives. Pride takes generosity and generates selfishness. Pride takes consistency and creates entitlement. Pride takes love and creates hate or prejudice. Pride takes a gift and demands better.

I am reminded of what James says in his epistle regarding religion that “pure and undefiled religion is this, to care for the widows and the orphans in their need” (James 1:27). No matter what form or aspect of ministry we are involved in – ultimately, we are all called to be the Church – the Bride of Christ – and we are called not to sift through people we believe worthy of receiving our love, energy, resources, or time, but to give freely just as we have received freely of all Christ has offered to us.

internship reflection (part 4)

2009-12-24T09:53:00.002-05:00

Now let’s reflect on some of the ministries I was involved with during my time in Macon. It is important to note the expectations I once had in coming to my internship. As situations unfolded, doors of opportunity were closed, and I was faced with the task of hunting down other potential doors to knock on. These are ultimately the ones that opened and influenced the changes I unraveled above.

Camp Pathway

Camp Pathway is a summer day camp program run for nine weeks throughout the course of the summer months in Georgia. Camp Pathway ministers to a variety of unique children – both boys and girls from the ages of five to twelve. With the addition of the CIT Leadership Program this summer, to which I was the advisor, we were able to extend our ministry potential to a small group of teenagers (ages 13-14) as part of a mentoring effort. Campers arrive anytime Monday –Friday between the hours of 7-9am (pre-camp) and head home between the hours of 4-6pm (post-camp). Our regular operating hours are between 9am-4pm allowing us the opportunity to spend the majority of the day with our campers.

Throughout the day, campers participate in a unique variety of activities including circle meets where we share devotional times at the beginning and end of the day, as well as Bible classes, arts n’ crafts, recreational games, challenge course sessions, and everyone’s favorite, swim time or canoeing on the pond. Sharing lunchtimes under the pavilion allows counselors to build relationships with campers in various camper groups, as we foster a great community of unity and fun at Camp Pathway.

Throughout the summer, I had a special opportunity to work solely with a group of 9-10 teenagers in the CIT or Counselors in Training Leadership Program. This opportunity was basically created with the intention of training up teen leaders with the potential of eventually taking roles as junior and senior counselors at Camp Pathway and being able to pour into campers, just as they themselves were poured into during their time as campers.

We spent the first four weeks of camp going on field trips, fostering a solid teamwork mentality (which was a challenge at times), and having classes in our very own, CIT room. I was given a basic skeleton of material to work with, and then filled in the rest with supplemental information worth teaching. I planned to teach roughly two hours a day, or ultimately ten hours a week. Sometimes this task was absolutely daunting, but most the time it allowed me to connect with each CIT on an individual or more personal basis.

Part of our CIT Leadership also involved community service projects, so my group of teens undertook a food drive project with the local radio station 13WMAZ, and thanks to the generous donations we collected from campers and parents, we were able to receive a tour inside the news studio and with the various reporters. This was certainly a special opportunity for me, but I know my CITs were blown away with how a simple act of service gave them a great opportunity to explore something new as well. We also began working with Morningside Assisted Living facility where we had the opportunity to interact with the elderly in our community playing BINGO and eating banana splits. Everyone loved these days!

Perhaps the one thing I pulled away from this whole experience of advising the CIT Leadership program is something Prez shared with us numerous times in PLC, “You cannot lead someone to a place you yourself have not been to yet”. I realized more than ever more that all the experiences I have had with leadership, teaching, etc, at Bethany all played an important role in enabling me to connect with the group of teens I was mentoring. This was not always an easy task, and sometimes I felt so helpless I wanted nothing more than to cry.

I also learned that I cannot lead alone. This is a humbling reality, but it was important for me to chew on, and to ponder, because I quickly realized not having a partner to lead this group of teens with, sometimes limited the effect I was able to have – especially with the young men. I felt if they would have had an opportunity to connect with a young adult male, their experience may have been more holistic, as well as my girls. Had they been able to see me interacting with a young man, they might have been able to catch a picture of how male/female partnerships should work – without the worldly standards or expectations looming over our interactions.

Hephzibah Children’s Home (recreation department)

Administratively, experiencing the inner workings of Hephzibah was important to the shaping of my opinion and perspective of ministry organizations like this. I learned quickly that things are not always as they may appear, and sometimes we have to search a little deeper, and push a little harder to see change take place amongst resistant parties. Operating the gym was somewhat of a familiar experience, although when my supervisor was away for a few months this gave me a lot of extra responsibility in assisting with rentals and general management, I never initially expected. I grew close with the recreation staff and they truly were my support system and greatest allies during this internship adventure.

internship reflection (part 5)

2009-12-24T09:51:00.002-05:00

The Macon Rescue Mission

One of the doors of opportunity that swung wide open was at the Dove Center, downtown, as part of the Macon Rescue Mission. It was here that my heart was truly burdened for women and children in a way like never before. In my heart it was affirmed how much we as human beings, especially long for love. We were created for love, and somehow because we are fallen, we often leave relationships, or experiences feeling less than unloved. It’s quite horrible and destructive – hence the fruit I saw from the relationships of these women at the mission.

Domestic violence was present in each and every one of these women’s lives, and many of them lived off the system, struggling to make ends meet. Court and custody battles, as well as food stamps were as common to these women as a local paperboy’s news route. Somehow, despite all the craziness of these women’s lives, they opened their hearts up to me – testing that trust just one more time – and allowed me to be a part of what they were going through. They shared stories of people they loved and trusted utterly betraying them – of the shame and neglect they felt from losing their children to abusers or the system.

Many of the women unveiled drug addictions, past cases of abuse, and daily battles with mental illness. Entering the center was like going to a different world. It opened my eyes and my heart to the ‘lost’ and ‘broken’, the ‘weary hearted’ and the ‘captives’. In my heart the Lord somehow made a place for these beautiful sisters. They delighted in my coming, and I felt so honored that they would want anything to do with me.

I realize now it was not necessarily me that they wanted or were excited to have, but rather it was the Light, the Love which I carried to them – the Freedom, Hope, and Peace that surrounded my heart, and reached out gently for theirs as well. We truly are bearers of Light – and we shine, whether we realize it or not. This truth completely rocked my world as numerous times in Georgia people told me my face was glowing or shining. When we have an encounter with the Living God, we cannot help but shine for Him, and people see the Light – those seemingly most fallen somehow seem to be the least blind, and the most hungry for it, so they are drawn to it. Praise God!

Working with these women completely shook up my comfort – it prepared me to believe for big things – and allowed me to confront the torment of mental illness first hand. Realizing that there were almost always children involved made the ministry here that much tougher. I was reminded numerous times just how easy it is for people, how comfortable to naturally minister to kids. Kids are accepting, easy to please, and completely lovable. Adults are often a different story. The Lord gave me a unique burden for these women, a burden which extended beyond identifying them simply as the moms of the kids at the center. These women became like sisters to me – sisters I hurt for, cried for, prayed for, and looked forward to seeing. Serving them gave me a mindset of service I’d never quite thought of like this before. I was totally blown away.

Here is a copy of a write up I did for the Mission’s monthly newsletter after a unique ministry opportunity at the local Domestic Violence Awareness Conference:

Reflection on “Refuge” at DVA Conference – by: Christy Zbylut (intern)
Several weeks before Lizzie Chapel’s Domestic Violence Conference Mrs. Renee approached me about arranging a skit. I told the Lord if He truly wanted me to follow through with this, I needed Him to inspire me with a vision of the skit within my heart – and He came through faithfully. The song Refuge composed and written by Elizabeth Rhyno would be our music, and a series of words would help silently portray the testimonies of these women’s lives. I realized that through simplicity – the hearts of these women I work with on a weekly basis – the hearts that have long bore the burden and pain of domestic violence in their own lives would be the most powerful tool in portraying a message of healing at this conference. Through their brokenness, I began to understand how the Lord’s power to heal, restore, and bring light to things once caught up and entangled in secret, darkness, and shame would resound!

In some ways I am completely blown away as I look back at the conference. The vulnerability and freedom, with which these women approached this opportunity to publically display the reality of their ‘scarlet letter’ but also to declare the much greater mark of Christ upon their hearts, broke me. This skit and opportunity to share their “lives” with others gave each one of the women a special purpose! The Holy Spirit was so sweet and peaceful in that place. People were weeping, smiling, standing. I didn't watch them as I played - but simply smiled and sang my little heart out - but I saw people after, and they shared their hearts of how the Holy Spirit had moved them - they said the song was anointed and blessed their hearts immensely.

My favorite part was seeing how alive all the ladies from our mission looked - they were smiling, wiping tears from their eyes as we sat back down - but mostly their eyes were dancing!!! God used them to minister truth and healing to the hearts of those at the conference - I just know it. I could feel it! The women really moved my heart when they said afterward, "This isn't just a skit to us you know...this is our lives!" They are so right too --- stomped on by the world and people, but raised to life in Christ - these beautiful, recovering, hungry sisters of mine are walking down the healing path to Christ's feet day by day growing a little stronger, a little more joyful, a little more free - a little more alive! It is truly magnificent!

At the end of the conference we were invited back to minister a second time at their Domestic Violence Concert on Monday evening. I could hardly begin to comprehend what the Lord was doing to us all in using a group of weak vessels to promote His message of truth! Grace for All Families

Working with Grace for All Families exposed me to the clinical side of counseling, and allowed me to work directly under the tutorship/mentorship of a Licensed Christian Counselor, specializing in Marriage and Family Therapy, Mrs. Jennifer Ransom. GFAF allowed me the opportunity to spend one on one time with a woman older than myself pursuing a career in the field I have been studying for four years. Mrs. Jennifer did a phenomenal job investing her time and wisdom to me, and kept a teachable attitude herself during the process. I was surprised many times when she would mention having learned or been refreshed by a thought I shared.

Here I was able to delve into the beautiful, sometimes antsy practice of waiting, listening, and observing. I realized through this time that I am a very active person with creative ideas and motives. Basically, what it all boils down to is, I have a hard time sitting still. I never had a solid understanding of this before sitting through various counseling situations, but the revelation allowed me to adapt accordingly and to have a clearer understanding of what my life passion, or heartbeat may entail. I was able to share the testimony of God’s restoring work in my family with numerous clients, and to speak life into darkened situations.

I was often humbled and blown away by the opportunities I had to interact with clients, and how receptive they were to what the Lord was speaking through me. I was reminded daily during these occurrences, that it had nothing to do with me, I am merely a vessel and as I am obedient in allowing the Holy Spirit to speak through me – beautiful things happen – hearts are changed, chains are broken, and people are refreshed. I also learned the importance of not sitting idly, but rather taking opportunities of simply observing and listening to pray for clients, to intercede on their behalf. Mrs. Jennifer always made it a priority for us to pray before and when able, after sessions. This process once again refined, solidified, and exposed me to greater moments of viewing the Lord’s people through new lenses – and using this sight for His glory.

Morningside Assisted Living Facility

Volunteering throughout the summer with my CITs opened up doorways to return several times throughout the fall to visit with and minister to the elderly residents of Morningside. It was in this place that laughter and joy danced down every hallway. It was in this place that I was reminded of the beauty of a child-like faith, and the importance of loving everyone equally. These residents selflessly interacted with one another daily, and loved socializing. They were perfectly content in sitting together over a milkshake and telling old stories of falling in love, riding around in classic cars, and growing up.

They affirmed my heart for missions work, and delighted in the simplest of things. They were always up for a challenge, and were unashamed of looking foolish or silly. Many of them would dance or wear a pair of crazy glasses at a moment’s notice, and though their bodies were frail, their hearts exploded with love and kindness. I saw a lot of love in these people – and a lot of joy I’d like to carry with me into my elderly years. I often wondered, “Which one of these residents will I most resemble when I get to this point in life?”

internship reflection (part 6)

2009-12-24T09:50:00.002-05:00

Overall, I believe I met the bulk of the internship objectives set before me, in ways I never imagined would be possible or even a part of my experience. I simply cannot sum it up any better than admitting, “I have been changed”. On internship, I discovered my heartbeat, and my life now longs to dance and move to the intense beat and rhythm which it produces.

My college mentor Prez spoke these words to me at the end of my internship, “Christy, you know there are a lot of things you could be doing – but there’s something you ought to be doing. When you live doing that very thing you ought to be doing, you will know without a doubt that you are in the center of God’s will.” I believe with all my heart that my internship was necessary in this season of my life to discover what I ought to be doing – living out my heartbeat.

growing up: friendships

2009-12-11T22:08:00.003-05:00

I realize as the years wear on that friendships are always, always important.
It's amazing what a few years - seasons - ideas - directions will take you - but looking back - you'll always remember those times you were with your friends.

I had the privilege of attending the BBC Christmas banquet this year - and in doing so, my dear friend Sarah and I decided to scheme up a little waltz back to memory lane. Below are two photos from this year - followed by two photos from 2007...we've
GROWN UP a lot in the last two years. It's quite remarkable to think about.

l i f e

2009-12-04T01:40:00.006-05:00

I've wondered recently: What's in a life? Is it the beating of a heart? The echo of a voice? The warmth of an embrace? Perhaps the creases of a smile, or laughter straight from the gut...

After having a conversation with a young teenager who recently received news she is pregnant and was contemplating an abortion - God provided an opportunity to discuss the importance of choosing 'life' for this baby. She was receptive and my heart rejoiced. Encouraging her to be open and honest with her parents - the situation turned out much different than I planned, but I had hope that all would soon be well. I learned this afternoon that her parents want her to get an abortion as well.

These are my thoughts after reflecting on these circumstances heavy on my heart. I've had to come to grips in my spirit today with the Lord that no matter what, He is still good, and He is still God - NO MATTER WHAT. (Let's just be completely honest here, that's tough to comprehend. My heart wants nothings more than to weep at the thought.)

Life...
so precious yet so fleeting
such a process yet full of the unexpected
so busy yet so blessed
such a purpose yet so forgotten
so beautiful yet so perplexing.

Life...
a gift to some, an entitlement to others
an adventure to some, a jail to others
a great discovery to some, a waste of time to others.

Life is precious, lest we ever forget.
We only have one - we must take it and live.
If we journey beside the One who made us His prize -
We are sure to find, what is knit deep inside,
but if we journey alone, trouble surely shall mount -
on hearts once filled with wonder, now deadened with doubt.
Behold oh life - the Breathe which is Divine,
breathed on Thee that you might find -
The way to the Master is carefully carved,
Purposed to worship, and joy in His Life.
For He offered Himself, so we too might live,
Forever with Christ dwelling, instead of in sin.

Life is stunning, for its Creator is stunning...God is stunning!

a few last things in Georgia

2009-12-01T01:00:00.000-05:00

We decorated the recreation office/gym for the holidays...

painted the biggest picture of my life...
began saying a few goodbyes...

and spent an afternoon on the Challenge course to soak up some final
Georgia fun in the sun!

family

2009-11-30T11:51:00.002-05:00

So many stories left yet untold
So many hearts broken by secrets that mold
Generation after generation the curse trudges on
Til' someone with boldness turns their brilliant light on
It feels like a fight -
for a great battle shall ensure -
souls are at stake - and darkness presses hard.

"Fear not my child, I'm with you always,
I know every thought, and every tear I see.
Fear not my child, I'm with you always,
I know how to care for what belongs to me..."

Left to our own, we shall certainly fail,
Yet in the hands of our Father is peace like no other.
His yoke is easy, and His burden is light -
We can always trust - for us He shall fight.
For when vict'ry is won in the heart of a man,
all Heaven rejoices, and dances, and sings!

Families these days are far from perfect -
Broken, lost and weary - destructive - we forfeit.
Though battered and bruised,
worn and crazy we come -
there is hope in the Father - Who rises above!

Our identity is not in these generational things -
but in the One who created us to simply BE!

(a poem by: C.Zbylut 11/23/2009)

from indy to connecticut in a day...

2009-11-28T11:44:00.000-05:00

Driving is always an adventure...especially when you are very tired, and have to drive ALL day longs.

On our way home from Thanksgiving time in Indiana with my grandparents - we crossed many types of terrain...boring farmland - all brown and prepped for winter's covering...mountains and hills, and valleys...streams...lakes...foggy mountains...rivers...etc.

Here are some special things Weiz (my littlest sister and car buddy) saw:
- 4 deer running in a field
- a rainbow
- a city's lights at the base of a brilliant mountain we were descending
- West Point campus in New York
- 7 more deer grazing in a field
- an Omish clothes line
- a man with sweet sideburns consuming the entirety of his face
(though he was likely in his late 40s, he looked like Zac Effron)
- a sunrise
- a sunset

Sometimes we miss things where we're in the hustle and bustle of our days --- but what unique discoveries can be made when we simply watch and wait!

a birthday date

2009-11-17T09:48:00.001-05:00

It was a dark morning - 2:30 am came quickly as I merged onto I-16 heading east toward Hilton Head Island. My goal and destination were one in the same - get to the beach in time to catch a beautiful birthday sunrise over the ocean. My mission was a success and the artistry stunning. God even had 3-4 big dolphins playing not far out from the shore. I squealed with delight at this special treat. I was amazed that a birthday date day could be quite so special.

perfect love casts out all fear

2009-11-08T19:47:00.000-05:00

(A simple description of a recent experience in my heart:)

Freedom at last!
Fully free!
Beauty
unfailing Love
overflowing Love
overwhelming Love
worship
restlessness
blockage
stirring
confronting
anointing
deliverance
emptying
filling with LOVE
peace
joy
REST
empowered
perfected in Love!

"There is no fear in love; but perfect love casts out fear: because fear has torment. He that fears is not made perfect in love."
- 1 John 4:18

torn

2009-11-03T03:00:00.003-05:00

The other night I was hurting,
but I did not find you there.
The other night I was hurting,
on the brink of great despair.

Sometimes I wish and wonder -
and I find my heart wants more.
Sometimes I'm lost and wondering
amongst the raging storm.

A simple plastic smile is all it takes
to turn the questions away -
but no one seemed to wonder -
just how I cared today.

Behold the beauty of wonders untold.
This life has nothing and I feel quite alone.
I realize I am not my own...
and that is where I die.

Yet sure enough I find my breath,
and in Christ I am ALIVE!!!!!!

awakening

2009-11-01T14:23:00.003-05:00

Do you ever feel distracted?
Perhaps you'd rather classify is as being 'pre-occupied' or maybe even 'busy'.

I realized the other night how easy it is to get caught in the 'flow' of a schedule, responsibility, or lifestyle and to forget we're not always supposed to float down the river - part of our training in this life includes seasons where we have to prepare and be strengthened - seasons where we must swim against the flow to reach our destination.

There are things to be learned from everything.
All we must do is stop for a moment - reflect, consider, observe.
I find it most interesting how God often uses these "swimming upstream moments", these struggles, these difficult, stretching, painful moments to teach us most. Why? Sometimes we get so caught up in floating we forget to think. It's easy - it's natural - it's comfortable...

but we're not called to be comfortable.
The journey may be exhausting - it may leave you breathless at times - it may be a fight - it may be a struggle - it may be risky - but remember the hope we work toward - a hope that is greater than any struggle - and so very worth the work in getting there.

As an athlete I can relate to this analogy or picture of exhausting myself physically - as a student exhausting myself mentally - as a Christian exhausting myself spiritually - as a young woman and human being, exhausting myself emotionally - but God doesn't call us to be EXHAUSTED. Yes, the fight in itself may be exhausting - but consider the rest when you reach that bank upstream - consider the refreshing, rejuvenating sunshine that awaits you as you breath deeply on the rocks - glancing downstream from where you've just come. Consider the sense of reward, and the growth involved in the exhausting, risky, breathtaking swim you just completed.

Don't forget there will be more of these to come - but for now...just rest in Him - and rejoice in the strength He has offered to get you this far!

tough to swallow

2009-10-26T00:45:00.001-04:00

(Reflections from my internship journal last Tuesday)

When I first arrived at the rescue mission I arrived with the assumption that I would be dealing with younger women but have since discovered we mainly receive a broad range of middle-aged women. I assumed this was the typical standard despite the information I have learned along the course of my being involved with the rescue mission about domestic violence. Domestic violence does not discriminate in any way amongst social class, age, race, or income level. It can happen to anyone. Reflecting on my experience today at the mission, I realize the reality of that statement hit me hard – not necessarily even in the heart. I feel like I was punched in the throat with horrifying information I could hardly swallow.

I noticed we had a new lady with us and she appeared to be significantly younger than the other ladies. Her eyes were dark with a story she seemed unwilling to tell, but she was pleasant as the ladies introduced her to me. Her first question was regarding my age. “How old are you?” she inquired. “Oh, I’m 21.” I replied giggling a little. She seemed intrigued as she replied in a dull tone, “I’m 19.” When I put this together with my initial assumption, I could hardly speak, let alone swallow. My mind immediately wandered to a million possibilities and questions of how in the world this girl ever ended up in a mission as a result of domestic violence. Obviously considering the criteria for entrance into the facility – the situation must have been significant and bad for her to be admitted by a DFAX agency to come here in the first place.

Honestly, I didn’t know what to do with myself at this point. I continued talking with the ladies as she retreated to her room – but I felt helpless, shocked, and emotionally overwhelmed. I guess the harsh reality of domestic violence really sunk in for me today. I have been broken for these women on numerous occasions, and every step of progress causes my heart to rejoice and celebrate, but something about her was different, chilling almost. I felt like it hit too close to home – someone my own age – someone on the brink of adulthood, hurting this badly and I couldn’t do a thing about it. This young lady has her whole life ahead of her, and already she has encountered devastation and demolition on the grounds of her heart she never deserved.

I later discovered a little more of her story – which made it all the more horrifying for me to process. Perhaps it was the way she spoke – with fear and annoyance of being at the mission or perhaps it was her expression of frustration and helplessness considering the situation she is currently in that hit me hard. After an evening session with Dr. Kemper I came to understand that she was raised in a home with two alcoholic parents. She left home when she was fourteen and got married to her boyfriend. She’s worked ever since then earning money and making her own way in this world without any adult supervision, support, or guidance.

Their marriage lasted two years, until he cheated on her at the age of sixteen. She explained that “things simply didn’t work out” so I got divorced just before I turned seventeen. As if this wasn’t enough to comprehend and swallow, she added to her story by sharing she has two kids whom she is currently battling for custody over. Her little boy is four, and her little girl is one. Apparently the father of her baby girl is her abuser, and after having her place for two years, she went to stay with him for awhile. He took it upon himself to abuse her several times. DFAX discovering the abuse then sent her to the rescue mission program.

Leaving the mission I spent a solid chunk of time in my Jeep just sitting, listening to worship music and weeping over the day. I was very thankful to attend House of Grace tonight to recharge a bit after such a draining, overwhelming day. I think considering all that took place today made me seriously question whether or not I am skilled enough to be a counselor. I know in my own strength – I am most certainly not – but I even questioned God as to why He would allow me to see things and experience things like this if I was going to feel so helpless in dealing with them. I guess this is where the truth of 2 Corinthians 12:9 comes in, “God’s grace is sufficient and in my WEAKNESS, His strength is made perfect”. None of this is about me, but it sure is being used to grow and stretch me, to refine my thinking, my vision, and perspective.

Loving until it hurts...and still loving. I'm still learning. Wow, what a journey!

the nations

2009-10-21T22:21:00.002-04:00

"Learn to do good.
Seek justice.
Help the oppressed.
Defend the cause of orphans.
Fight for the rights of widows." - Isaiah 1:17

"The Spirit of the Sovereign Lord is upon me,
for the Lord has anointed me
to bring good news to the poor.
He has sent me to comfort the brokenhearted,
and to proclaim that captives will be released
and prisoners will be freed.
He has sent me to tell those who mourn
that the time of the Lord's favor has come,
and with it, the day of God's anger against their enemies."
-Isaiah 61:1-2

"PRAISE THE LORD, ALL YOU NATIONS.
PRAISE HIM, ALL YOU PEOPLE OF THE EARTH.
FOR HE LOVES US WITH UNFAILING LOVE,
THE LORD'S FAITHFULNESS ENDURES FOREVER. PRAISE THE LORD!" -Psalm 117

carving mr. pumpkin

2009-10-21T21:45:00.007-04:00

Last Sunday I decided it was time to carve my lovely pumpkin -- doing so without my sisters joining me was a bit of a stretch -- and I nearly burned the house down in the process when I forgot my seeds were in the oven for an hour. Essentially, on basic terms, the project was a fail - but I enjoyed myself and was able to find it rather therapeutic and relaxing in comparison to a crazy, hectic weekend. Here's a photo documentation of the event.

Step 1: getting the top off,, after carefully slicing a circle around the step.
PUMPKIN SEEDS - MY FAVORITE!!
Step 2: Seed removal - this is always the messy - goupy part, but my favorite.
Step 3: Placing the seeds in a bowl so they may be washed & cooked.
I'm pretty excited to have collected all my seeds.
Step 4a: Cutting Mr. Pumpkin some eyes.
Step 4b: and a mouth
Step 5: Setting Mr. Pumpkin aglow!
Remember...every good carved pumpkin lights up with a candle!
Mr. Pumpkin finally makes it outside to his spot on the porch.
We're pretty excited the carving is all finished!
Step 6: Identifying your pumpkin...this is just a fun thing to do!
My sign held by Mr. Pumpkin greets visitors (which we don't usually get!)
A little Georgia sunshine at the end of a beautiful Sunday of rest!
Unfortunately I burned my pumpkin seeds --- better luck next year!

a heart beat

2009-10-17T15:44:00.002-04:00

sleeping slowly
wakened boldly
breathing
searching
hoping
waiting
willing
dreaming
praying
praising
dancing
resting
waiting
hoping
waiting
hoping
praying
resting
revelation
praying
praising
hoping
waiting
waiting
waiting
explanation
searching
understanding
waiting
resting
hoping
praying
joying
PEACE!

world race route

2009-10-14T01:51:00.002-04:00

Leaving July 1 --- and not entirely sure where I'm going just yet. Our race route is currently a mystery, but we will be receiving clues one by one as the months go on closer and closer to the trip.

Please check out my world race blog: http://christyzbylut.theworldrace.org
There is information about the race - my life and call into missions - and a place to SUPPORT ME!

homeless ministry lessons

2009-10-09T12:00:00.001-04:00

Last night I had a unique, first time experience available to me by my own initiative – homeless ministry. Downtown on Poplar Street, an area I frequent Tuesday evenings for the young adult meetings I attend, I found myself – not driving by like I usually do, but parking and getting out to spend time hanging out with people.

I was emotionally a little nervous at first – I found myself somewhat reserved and timid – not sure what to do with myself. There appeared to be no one in charge willing to direct me in what to do – so I sort of awkwardly stood around for a few moments observing the people and park area. This is important because over the last several years of being involved in ministry I have always had someone offering me some sort of instruction – a plan of action – an initiative – a task to complete, but not this time. I was with other people, but felt all by myself.

My thought process was warring between “staying” and “leaving”. I had no clue what to do! I smiled at several people and offered greetings when I noticed a homeless woman walking toward me. She approached me, hugged me, and went on her way. All I could think, was why didn’t I think to hug these people. Here I am, “coming to bless the homeless” and they came more ready and equipped to love on me, than I was to love on them.

This reminded me that with my soon approach mission adventure, I will need to take more initiative in sharing about Christ with others – honestly, I find the idea very terrifying – but we serve a powerful God, and should be terrified of Him – but I think we should be more terrified of not sharing about Him, than of making ourselves UNCOMFORTABLE (there’s that word again) for His glory and purposes!

Several volunteers were cooking hotdogs or talking amongst themselves, but my attention was drawn to the people gathering to share in this meal – those dressed in mismatching clothes, several tote bags or Wal-Mart bags in tow. These people were the ones I’d come to see. I assumed I could come to this outreach night, give some homeless people food and leave – but the longer I stood there not sure what to do, the more I realized how humbling this ministry can be. I can do nothing on my own strength – but with Christ all things are possible.

The Lord provided me some blessed opportunities to speak with several of the homeless men – OC, Lonny, Prince, and Louie – and to sing too! Many of them were easy going and grew up in the area. I wondered what it would be like to live in one place your WHOLE life. That concept is so foreign from my mind and bizarre for me to consider due to moving so much - but I can see how this reality could be both a blessing and a curse for a person. Familiarity is always nice and sometimes safe or comforting, but it can also trap us, and cause us to grow so content, we forget there are other options, opportunities, and challenges to embark upon. Sometimes people may forget to dream because they have settled into what ‘they’ve always known’.

I think this first night of homeless ministry, nerves and all, is the beginning of something beautiful in my life, and Lord willing in the lives of countless others I will encounter and minister to/with along the way. I think I’m in for some serious heart change in this next season!

what's new - in pictures

2009-10-09T00:01:00.005-04:00

Flying an airplane simulator @ the Aviation Museum on Robins Air Force Base.

Our fall 5k debut - Sharilyn, Erin & I after our walking 5k @ Camp Little Shot

The entrance/waiting area at Grace for All Families - I love the lighting and seating arrangements - I feel like I could sit there all day and read good books!

House of Grace located downtown at the "Warehouse"...
on the corner of...you guessed it, Poplar and Fifth streets.

The big historic, cathedral-like wooden doors are perhaps
my favorite part about the warehouse!

Made homemade macaroni & cheese...I was inspired by a southern life magazine.

Beautiful moonlight driving across town on a Saturday night...the moon was gigantic!!

Current construction of a giant movie screen - this is 1/4 of it!

A deer I stopped to take a picture of the other night - talk about a deer in headlights (or camera flash) --- this little one didn't mind my Jeep hovering near by as I snapped this picture - and was literally a hop, skip, and jump away from my house!

Mrs. Debbie & Mr. Jason - two of the houseparents decided to bless us all with caramel apples. These were delicious - made with homemade caramel & white chocolate drizzled over the top - it was a special treat to come home to after a long day.

Bought my 1st pumpkin ever - outside of a pumpkin patch & without my parents. They were $3.98 at Wal-Mart and I've wanted one for weeks now since they've been in the stores. I felt like a little kid digging in the pumpkin bin, looking for just the right one - and I'm pretty sure I had this sheepish, giggly grin on my face as I skipped around the bins and contemplated which one I wanted to pick as mine.

Smiling with my pumpkin --- in a short time this lovely orange heap will be carved and become delicious crispy pumpkin seeds for me!

emptiness or overflow?

2009-10-07T11:11:00.002-04:00

I realized today that when I place my cup in the hands of others - in order to be filled - sometimes I am left feeling more empty than before. We simply cannot be dependent upon other human beings to fill us up with love, encouragement, support, etc. Sure, it's awful nice and appreciated - but when its lacking, if we are solely dependent upon it, we risk suffocating from emptiness.

The only One who can fill my cup overflowing is Christ - through time in His Word, silently waiting before Him, listening, praising, worshiping, resting, hoping, joying - just being with Him. The toughest part about this I think, is that Christ's arms are not necessarily tangible - fleshly arms to wrap around me - His presence is sweet, powerful, overwhelming, and life altering, but why --- why do we long for arms of flesh to comfort us as well?

I haven't been really 'hugged' in months - since I was home last actually.
People have tapped me on the shoulders - or given a nice side hug...but there's something about a hug from someone you love that is unlike anything else.
A couple weekends ago I got a nice, warm embrace of encouragement from a brother I ran into and it lifted my spirits to know I was cared for and supported.

Today I'm fighting --- I'm battling this consuming cold front of emptiness and loneliness that wishes to creep into my heart and blind or distract me from what God is trying to teach me in this time. I need to press on - I need to push through - I need to fight and not give up. Giving up would feel so much easier - not necessarily better - it would be horrible and tiring, consuming perhaps - but pressing on...I can feel my feet digging into the soil as I desperately try to push back. The ground beneath me is beginning to crumble and cave - but I will continue running toward the mount - toward Christ - not looking back, but forward - though in a momentary tunnel of darkness, I will press forward toward that dim light in the distance - toward freedom, toward peace, toward fullness in Christ alone!

refreshing rain and the Word

2009-10-05T00:08:00.003-04:00

Tonight I decided to go jogging up and down the road in front of my lovely house - from street light to street light - back and forth until it seemed like I'd run roughly a mile. A girls gotta get her exercise, ya know!?

The best part about this was the rain.Exercising in the rain is always way more motivating and satisfying in the rain - here's why: It was sprinkling heavy, thick, refreshing drops - dancing on the pavement - kissing my cheeks and livening my soul. I didn't even bother to pin my hair up - I just let the rain do it's curling wonder as I ran - free and joyful - refreshed and motivated.

I've had a fair amount on my mind lately - as one could easily tell from skimming my blog. Tonight I was reading the daily verse from a scripture calendar my sister Sher gave me (which always seems to be just what I need to hear that day). This was today's verse:

"Rejoice in the Lord your God, for he has given you the autumn rains in righteousness. He sends you abundant showers, both autumn and spring rains, as before. The threshing floors will be filled with grain; the vats will overflow with new wine and oil."

- Joel 2:23-25.

I found this rather ironic - since I just came from soaking up a beautiful autumn rain outside - and have to start raising a hefty amount of support for my 11 month mission trip. I felt a calm in my spirit as I read this verse - a smile deep in my heart welling up - a knowing that God is going to provide abundantly just what I need because He is a faithful God - and He is going to refresh me and His other children in this season with His rains of righteousness.

(Perhaps all of you northerners stuck in Maine/Canada can take hope in this verse with all the rain y'all have been getting! God bless!)

DVA conference

2009-10-04T20:00:00.001-04:00

This weekend I had the privilege of ministering at a DVA (Domestic Violence Awareness) conference in town through song/playing piano along with several women from the mission. Thank you to everyone who prayed for us - your prayers were truly felt and God did a work in that place!

The skit was amazing! About as week ago the Lord laid Elizabeth Rhyno's song "Refuge" on my heart - and taught me how to play it at the piano - so I shared the song with the ladies, along with the vision of a skit the Lord had laid on my heart for them. We set out to communicate Christ's healing power and truth even amidst our own brokenness.

The Holy Spirit was so sweet and peaceful in that place. People were weeping, smiling, standing. I didn't watch them as I played - but simply smiled and sang my little heart out - but I saw people after, and they shared their hearts of how the Holy Spirit had moved them - they said the song was anointed and blessed their hearts immensely.

My favorite part was seeing how alive all the ladies from our mission looked - they were smiling, wiping tears from their eyes as we sat back down - but mostly their eyes were dancing!!! :D God used them to minister truth and healing to the hearts of those at the conference - I just know it. I could feel it!

The women really moved my heart when they said afterward, "This isn't just a skit to us, you know...this is our lives!" They are so right too --- stomped on by the world and people, but raised to life in Christ - these beautiful, recovering, hungry sisters of mine are walking down the healing path to Christ's feet day by day growing a little stronger, a little more joyful, a little more free - a little more alive! It is truly magnificent!

The World Race

2009-10-02T23:45:00.002-04:00

I applied after much prayer and consideration about 2 weeks ago for the World Race, an intense missions adventure around the world for 11 months. I received an e-mail and phone interview request last week. Had my phone interview Wednesday just prior to lunch time - missed a call last night - got a voice mail to return a call today.

Today when I returned the call, I received some good news...I've been accepted to the July 2010 World Race!
Praise the Lord! (insert happy dance here ;) )
I have been overwhelmed with tears of joy and overwhelming thanks as well as laughter since I found out!!!!! All I could think and say to express myself is, "I'm gonna be a missionary!" I'm so humbled and overwhelmed that God would choose someone like me - someone weak, and not the most skillful to do His work for the Kingdom in a setting like this - that He loves me enough to have a brilliant plan for my life beyond anything I could ever ask or imagine. So...

11 months...11 countries.
July 1, 2010 - May 31, 2011.
The life of a missionary @ Adventures in Missions via the World Race.
Lord willing this will be my life in a short 9 months from now.

Now it's time to raise support funds - get all the loose ends tied up and spend much time in prayer for all the people and divine appointments I know and trust God already has orchestrated for this next adventure in my life! Will you partner with me and join me in this world race adventure?!

a look inside

2009-10-02T23:00:00.001-04:00

I noticed this past Tuesday how empty loneliness can feel – how realistically loneliness is a lie – a trick of the enemy to deter us from keeping our eyes fixed upon the way of Christ – and to seek, in the flesh to somehow motivate, or make happen some random act that will in turn satisfy our longing to feel like we belong. Loneliness is such an icky feeling. I find myself wondering sometimes how people like Mother Theresa walked all those years – seemingly alone – loving others with all they are. Then I am reminded that she never walked alone – Christ was always with her.

In our world today, I feel as though we measure our success and worth based solely upon the works of others for our benefit. We weigh carefully who writes on our facebook wall, or sends us an e-mail just to let us know they care. We measure our worthiness to be loved through text messages, or Friday night dates with the good lookin’ fella everyone in town is just dying to know – and somehow among that stewing pot of self-effort, we find ourselves still dry, still hurting, still lonely – still empty and unsatisfied.

Why? I think it is mainly because we have chosen to believe we are somehow capable of filling and sustaining ourselves, when in reality – without Jesus, we crumble and basically combust. Overall it ends up not being a very pretty picture. To pursue life without Christ is to pursue, inevitably – failure.

The Lord reminded me Tuesday night on my drive home from Warner Robins that He is just as much with me on the mountain tops as He is in the valleys – and regardless of how things may seem, I am never alone. I think sometimes I forget just how special I am in God’s eyes. I forget that every time I look in the mirror and think what I see is “ugly” or “needs fixing” – I grieve the heart of God because He made me. He formed me with His hands, individually – knitting me together in my mother’s womb – fashioning me to be a reflection of His glorious image – fearfully and wonderfully made. That's what makes me beautiful. No amount of tune ups or construction projects I decide to embark upon could change how He created me to be. When I strip away my desire to be how others seem to think I should be, I find myself exposed to true, raw, beauty – only possible by the hands of our Maker.

This is important because I find the longer I am here on internship – the more separated I feel from those I love and care for, yet the Lord has been faithful in bringing new people into my life to build me up and challenge me. It is crucial for me in this season of life to cling to the truth of who I am in Christ – to find my identity in Him and Him alone – not in some aspiration or foolish dream. If my heart and focus are solely linked to Christ – I shall not want – I shall not fail – His strength shall sustain me in the midst of trials – and through the pain, my heart shall grow.

When I put this together with the worship songs we sung Tuesday night at House of Grace, my heart is thankful for a God who knows me inside and out – who knows the deepest and most secret thoughts of my heart and mind, and who loves me with unfailing love, even though I have done nothing to deserve it. I think it’s time I walk in humility and quit trying to control the outside circumstances of my life. I believe it is time to let Him guide me along this journey – regardless of how beautifully painful it may be – so I may learn of Him and know Him more!

To The Men...

2009-10-02T01:09:00.002-04:00

I've been keeping up with some World Race blogs lately - a missions opportunity the Lord has laid on my heart to explore - and came across one girls blog that truly inspired me and blessed my heart all at once. Seeing this makes me hopeful for all you my dear brothers - for you daddy - and for you lovely mystery man of God who will one day be my husband. If we let go and let God...there's no telling what He will use us for to glorify His name and to build up/restore His Kingdom!

To The Men...

Shared via AddThis

what are we to do?

2009-09-25T11:28:00.002-04:00

Give thanks to the Lord
Our God and King
His love endures forever!
For He is good
He is above ALL things!
His love endures forever!
Sing praise.....
Sing praise.....
Sing praise.....
Sing praise.....

FOREVER GOD IS FAITHFUL
FOREVER GOD IS STRONG
FOREVER GOD IS WITH US FOREVER
FOREVER GOD IS FAITHFUL
FOREVER GOD IS STRONG
FOREVER GOD IS WITH US FOREVER
FOREVER AND EVER...

With a mighty hand, and outstretched arm
His love endures forever
And by the grace of God will will carry on
His love endures forever!!!!!!!
SING PRAISE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
SING PRAISE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

*Sing praise to Him who is faithful indeed brothers and sisters!
Rejoice in your Maker! Dance before the King! Sing praise!*

celebrating the young at heart

2009-09-19T21:09:00.002-04:00

It seemed like a fairly laid back day Thursday as I interacted with and laughed alongside the residents at Morningside. The residents seemed to have nearly worn themselves out this week participating in all their “Appreciation Week” activities. One thing is for sure at this assisted living home – most of the staff (the one's I've met) are kindhearted and thoughtful people. This is important because I think to run a living home like this, or a ministry successfully, it requires good attitudes and creativity on behalf of the leadership.

I was emotionally a little tired this particular day, but that made me appreciate the vibrant, curious spirits of the residents even more. Many of them suffer from memory loss, dementia, and even hints of Alzheimer’s. I find this quite sad when I put this together with how I saw them remembering and functioning earlier this summer. Most of them over the last few days have come to know my name and that I am from Maine, and go to school in Canada – but watching some of my favorite ladies talking to me and Mrs. Donna, I realize how quickly they forget – even if we’ve explained something to them several times.

Older people may be ‘set in their ways’ but I sure have loved being able to serve them as “kings and queens” for a few hours this week. Their smiles and thankfulness make all the repeating of sentences, running of errands, and slow paced work all worth it! They are precious, beautiful people – made by Christ, His children, and a brilliant blessing in my life for sure!

This is important because it is so easy to forget about serving people on a daily basis – I know sometimes I sure do. We get so caught up in serving ourselves, we might not thing to do one extra little thing for someone else. The principle involved with this concept is displayed clearly in Philippians 2, “Each of you should look not only to your own interests, but also to the interests of others”. In the future I hope for this to be my heart cry, and at the center of whatever ministry the Lord places me in.

21 Days for Global Harvest

2009-09-14T10:12:00.002-04:00

The Student Volunteer Movement 2 (SVM2) is spearheading a prayer movement coming up next month for 21 days - for the nations - for our personal lives - for our generation. Check out their promo video:

reflecting on September 11, 2009

2009-09-12T15:42:00.002-04:00

Growing up my Grandma always told me how she’d forever remember what she was doing and where she was the day President Kennedy was shot. Likewise I think this is the similar situation we encounter with my generation – we will all forever remember where we were September 11, 2001 – busy at work in our middle school classrooms – and what we were doing, the day our country was attacked by terrorists. I had been in New York City just a month prior to the attacks with my dance school – catching a Broadway performance, touring Central Park, and climbing the Empire State Building. It was a beautiful city and I fell in love with it the first time I walked mouth agape, neck craned upward through the bustling, busy streets. It felt like a whole other world from where I’d come from – in the Northern Maine woods!

Reflecting on this experience, though it took place eight years ago, I can still feel the chill and eeriness that filled the air that day. Everything was canceled in town and everyone went home early to join their families crowded around the television – waiting for some explanation, some understanding of what had taken place that morning.

I related the news of these dreadful events to the effects it would undoubtedly have on the structure of my family because my family was a military family. All I had ever known growing up is that my Daddy was a soldier – my hero and a man who served our country well. With talk of these terrorist attacks, my whole family stewed in fear that my dad may have to respond to the later implications of these attacks.

I assumed perhaps my Dad would be deployed to New York to help with clean-up and relief work at the site itself, but that window of opportunity never came about. Instead, our answer to that fearful question came three years later about a week before Christmas. My dad was being deployed to serve in Iraq for a year. He would depart in January for training – fly to Afghanistan in April – and return sometime the following May.

This is important because my Dad, my number one supporter, fan, and motivator – in service to our country and his obligations to the United States Military would miss the remainder of my junior year in high school and the entirety of my senior year – with the exception of graduation. I was crushed, and I remember being really frustrated as well. I was glad my dad was willing to serve, yet I was upset that he has to miss out on over a year of my life. It somehow didn’t seem fair, none of it seemed fair – and then I was reminded of that chilling, sunshiny, overly quiet Tuesday morning in New York City, Washington D.C, and the farm fields of Pennsylvania – and I guessed our country would never be the same after those events.

When I put this together with where I am at in life now – preparing to wrap up my undergraduate work in college – still working, living, and thriving in a country where eight years ago we were shaken and not sure we’d ever recover from terrorists, I am reminded that the love of the Lord endures, and “greater is He that is in us, than he that is in the world”!

As ministers it is essential to never forget the lasting impressions that world events have on people. Something about having your safety invaded, your home destroyed, or loved ones killed leaves lasting scars deep in the minds and hearts of people affected. This is important because as representatives of Christ, as vessels of the Holy Spirit we are given the healing balm required to bring true healing into the lives of these people – to see freedom dance where oppression once consumed – to see laughter thrive and spread where sadness once drug dully upon one’s heart. We have the key and we must use it! We simply must!

In the future I will continue to reflect on the significance of days like this. We never know who we may encounter that needs our hearts to be able to relate to theirs. Reflecting is a great way to find understanding and to collect our own thoughts so we can present them to others in a fashion that encourages growth, learning, and fresh perspective. God bless America!

remembering

2009-09-11T11:53:00.002-04:00

I'd just encourage everyone to take a moment in their day to remember this significant day and series of events in our country's history. 8 years ago, on a chilling, fall, brilliantly sunny day - our country's idea of safety was turned upside down --- I still remember watching the events unfold on TV.

Remember to pray for the families of those still grieving their loved one's from 8 years ago - and all those who are survivors and still carry the memories of that day deep in their hearts! God bless y'all!

at the mission

2009-09-11T10:18:00.000-04:00

Working with Mrs. V on Wednesday I was able to meet some of the kiddos at suppertime, much to my delight! The first little guy I met was a beautiful little boy. A curly mop of blond hair rested atop his head, and his big blue eyes danced when he realized someone new was in the room to give him attention.

Gabriel (he’s only two and will turn three on my Mom’s birthday - on October 22nd) wasted no time in grabbing my hand and pulling me to the table to sit with him and his Momma for supper. “You sit right here, okay!” he pronounced as he patted a special spot on the bench for me. Tanzi, the birthday girl who turned four today followed in tow. “I’m going to sit here” she declared, clad in her little crown, and fairy wand. “Alright!” I said excitedly, a big grin consuming my face, “I get to sit between Mr. Gabriel AND the birthday girl!”

The kids giggled at this and my heart filled with a warmth and love for them. Cory (he’ll be three this month) and his Momma joined us as well and I was able to share with the mom’s a little bit about where I’m from. Watching these kids interact with one another was precious. Several of the moms were rather unimpressed with their kid’s energy at this time in the evening – but I was more than happy to keep them entertained.

Gabriel quickly made him self right at home in my lap and ate his supper bouncing on me and smiling and talking with Cory, myself, and his mom. This opened a door for good communication with his mom. Gabriel was a rather persistent charmer – bustling with energy. I cannot wait to get him running around and tuckered out. I’m sure his mom will appreciate that!

I noticed Tanzi’s mom was not too interactive at supper-time and rolled her eyes as well as made nasty faced every time Tanzi tried to do something silly. I felt led in my heart to make sure this little girl felt like a princess on her birthday. She was wiggling around in the cafeteria, swinging her body back and forth, twisting and turning in excitement – so I said, “Look at that birthday dance, girl! You are good!” She smiled and giggled, and then decided it as time to eat some cake. I asked her which she liked best – the cake or the frosting.

With big smiling eyes she replied, “The frosting”. Much to her mother’s disgust she proceeded to eat all her frosting as I told her, “That is some good birthday cake huh? You sure like that frosting”. My favorite part was watching this little girl, so full of life enjoying her birthday – allowing me to be her friend after only a short time. It was a beautiful moment and in the future I look forward to how the Lord is going to grow these relationships with the kiddos and allow me to speak truth and life into their hearts. Lord, let me be a blessing!

the punctuation police

2009-09-05T21:45:00.002-04:00

I read a neat saying from an old e-mail today that identified perfectly where I am at in my life right now, “Never put a question mark where God puts a period”. When I put this together with what we learned in first grade grammar I find myself smiling. Before we could ever fully manage to wrap our minds around the implications of this simple rule, grammar taught us that a command always ends in a period – there is no question to it – it is simply a direct command. Reflecting on this statement, I realized how tempting it is for us as Christians to waltz around daily like the punctuation police, questioning things that were intended to be simple instructions.

I think the reason this quote resonated so much with my heart is because God has put a fair amount of “periods” in my life over these last couple of months during internship – no ands, ifs, or buts about it! Just when I began to feel like I was hitting a dead end in the barrel of opportunities, the Lord faithfully opened a door of unique ministry for me to team up with and participate in. As of this coming week I will be helping out at a local rescue mission - and possible with a local Christian counselor - whatever God has planned. The statement on the Rescue Mission’s newsletter said this, “serving the least, the last, and the lost”. That’s my heart cry! I know it may be tempting to question - but once again He keeps putting periods, exactly where they're needed in my life!

hurricane bombardment

2009-09-03T09:29:00.001-04:00

I feel like the last few days have been filled with a hurricane of hardcore questions, directly routed toward me about my life. Person after person has asked me: “So what exactly are you doing?” and “Where are you going to do your Master’s? How come you don’t know yet?” as well as, “When are you going to be doing real counseling? What exactly is your internship all about?” When I put this together with how bombarded I was with questions and expectant ears tuned for answers I did not have, I was emotionally a little overwhelmed and irritated.

Seriously! Why do people EXPECT me to have my life all figured out? It’s like they all sit here hovering over my life waiting for me to produce some glorious 12-step program I’m working diligently through – complete with financial updates, perspective job opportunities, a timeline for getting married and starting my family – and where I plan on being “firmly” established ten years down the road, all so they can sit comfortably on their sofas at night soaking in their favorite weekly sitcom and a bag of potato chips.

I think the Lord places people like this in our lives to pester us to a point of recognition – a place where we see we don’t have everything together or figured out. This is important because it is at this point that we see all we are required to do is to surrender control to the Lord, open our arms and hearts wide for His instruction, and allow Him to pilot our lives. We’re called to fly free in His will!

The logic behind this mentality is fairly reasonable and to be expected in society today. However, I must admit, I have no clue what I’m doing next; let alone what I’m doing now. Every morning I wake up, find air in my lungs and approach the day with open arms – right now, that’s good enough for me, I don’t want it to be any other way. Funny as it may be, this 12-step program I’m supposed to produce with the blueprints of my life – I no longer carry the rights to.

Roughly five years ago I surrendered complete control of every hope, dream, desire, and relationship in my life to the Lord. I handed over the title and deed of my life as well as my side notes of plans I made for myself and let the greatest Carpenter set to work in my life. I look back on this moment, a hinge point moment in my life testimony, with a big ol’ smile, a joyful heart, and curious expectancy, but I think others look at me like I have six eyeballs or something.

I think the only thing I can do in this situation is laugh and continue turning my face and steps toward Christ. I don’t even know for sure if I’ve made it past step one yet, and people already want me to know what step twelve is. They have seriously got to be joking – no other logical explanation of such a bizarre, demanding request would make sense, and this is why I thank the Lord for only taking me day by day – if He gave me all twelve steps at once, I know I would without a second though plot and plan my way to the end.

This is important for me to recognize because my journey has just begun – He’s not finished with me yet and such hope and adventure lay in the valleys and mountaintops to come. If I saw the places He plans on taking me ahead of time, I’d perhaps be tempted to turn back, or to reroute my travels. Come muck or grime, rain or shine, rocks or sand, deserts or wetlands – I’m in this for life. It’s time to push forward on the trail – I’ve got a lot of ground to cover!

So what if I never have a pretty piece of embossed paper hanging on my wall that shows people I’d educated enough to “counsel” them?! I’ve got the powerful teaching of the Holy Spirit pumping through my veins deep into my soul that empowers me far more than any number of classes or seminars ever could. I understand the necessity of these things, as well as the discipline, and I also know and trust this is where the Lord has currently stationed me – but regardless of the questions, the demands and requests of others – I live to follow and please only One – Christ Jesus my Lord, Savior, and Lover!

In the future I will continue to rest in this truth – that I serve a God who “heals the brokenhearted and bandages their wounds – Who counts the stars and assigns each one a name – Who is great and limitless in strength – and I will never be able to comprehend what He knows and does” (Psalm 147:3-5). So why bother planning a twelve step program when I’m following the leading of the One whose thoughts and actions I can, and never will be able to comprehend? Who knew this would be a day of much thinking, surrender, and battling the demands of man!

motivated

2009-09-01T09:50:00.003-04:00

Do you ever make goals or seek after aspirations you later only find yourself further from - as life's busy schedules and pressure creep in, somehow you manage to neglect or simply forget those initial, simple, important goals?

I believe to reach our full capacity as a person - to be able to truly bless others and to see growth in our own lives we must engage our whole person. The Power of Full Engagment is a wonderful writing which addresses this concept - and I was made to read it in our PLC group on campus for the last two years. The core principles in this work have stuck with me - and while I have applied them to my mind, and many of them to my life - I believe now its time to FULLY ENGAGE.

If I want to "run the race well", I think it's time for me to push my limits - physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually. (For accountability sake, I've decided to share them here - and perhaps it will encourage y'all to do some thinking and consideration as well.)

Physically, I have some conditioning to do -- and likely some sore complaining muscles in the not so distant future - but I'm certain my body will rejoice later - once the stretching allows me to push that much further and that much harder than when I began. Mentally, I believe it's time to start learning another language...I'm prayerfully considering what exactly...but I've recently felt led toward Swahili. (will you join me in praying about this?) Emotionally, I wish to become more aware of my emotional reactions to situations and to be more open in expressing these to others - not to burden them, but to add perspective to our interactions and communication. Spiritually, it's time to write more of the Word upon my heart, and to really study His Word consistently - verse by verse, step by step.

It's time to get motivated!
Are you motivated? If not, what's holding you back?
It's time to step up friend - time to get some sore muscles - time to stretch yourself, and experience the joy of pain that comes in change and growth!
You can do it! Remember, the Word promises, "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me" - not "some things" or "this thing and that thing" or even "one thing". Nope! "ALL THINGS THROUGH CHRIST!" Believe it! Live it! Enjoy the journey! :)

c h u r c h

2009-08-28T00:34:00.001-04:00

My perception of the ‘church’ has been shifting, changing, sorting, and refining itself over the last four years – so much so that I have grown to appreciate not the rules, structure, and typical happenings of a service, but rather the fellowship and building up of the body of believers. This concept of “being the church” rather than “doing” church has really soaked into my heart and affirmed, built up, and disciplined me in my personal walk with Christ.

I was having a conversation with my aunt the other day where she reminded me that the church was never meant to be this trapped, exclusive, thing that we do – rather, the church is supposed to be a living, breathing, growing, alive, and thriving organism. The “church” is Christ alive and at work in our hearts – using us as His vessels – by the power of the Holy Spirit to draw all men unto Himself. I related this to the principle we see in John 4:23, “the true worshipers will worship in spirit and in truth”.

This is a fully-engaged, holistic experience of worship. To worship in spirit and truth is to have an encounter with the LIVING God that changes and transforms us as His church, His bride – a living, breathing, growing, alive, and thriving organism by His power. When I put this together with that I have experienced over the last few months in attending a local weekly gathering of Jesus loving, worshipers – or to give it a more formal title like people in society today prefer, a “house church” – I am blown away by the blessings I have seen come about through the growth, stretching, and deepening relationships with the Father – as this living, breathing, alive, organism.

We are the body of Christ – we are not a denomination – a building – or even a specific discipline of rules and theological standpoints. We are simply His children, hungering after Him and the things of Him – as we journey along His pathway for our lives waiting for the moment He will show us what is next – or which way to turn. This is important because when I ended a relationship of about two years – nearly two years ago (strangely enough), the ‘church’ I was attending at the time was not overly supportive of me – in fact, I have never felt such strong rejection in my life. It was a tough thing for me to swallow for a long while. You see, the church was the very ‘place’ I was supposed to be able to go when I needed help.

The logic behind this is simple to dissect – it was merely a place – a building – a shelter – a refuge – and really when it came to it, it was none of these things for me. However, through this last season of growth and discovery in my life, I have found that I can go to members of the body of Christ when there is a need, and they in turn can come to me. Just as our physical bodies, when we have an injury – the other members, or parts of the body compensate for the weak member by bringing rest, or bearing some of the load this member would typically have to carry.

The beauty in this is when we walk, live, breathe, and function as the body of Christ, rather than an organization or building, a place – we recognize more easily and fully that we never walk alone – and that we cannot walk alone. We need Christ to enable us to walk, and His Spirit to guide us – we simple need to be willing vessels and honestly, some days it is much easier to be a willing vessel when we have a supportive body behind us.

yea He loves us...o how He loves us!!!!!!

2009-08-24T23:59:00.003-04:00

This song has ministered deeply to my heart over the last couple of months. I decided to get brave with my piano practicing and have plunked on the chords enough to worship with this song in my house in Georgia - but this afternoon I was reminded of this link a beloved brother of mine sent to me just before I headed south for my internship. As I listened to it, tears filled my eyes - beautiful, sweet, cleansing, tears of freedom and peace! I was overcome with the Holy Spirit's peace --- and felt the Lord lavish His love upon me.

I pray the Lord will minister to your hearts through the powerful truth of this song! Think about what this really means! HE LOVES US...O HOW HE LOVES Us! I cannot even begin to think about His love without weeping. What a marvelous, gracious, loving, powerful, mighty, amazing, intimate God we serve! My words cannot even begin to capture Who He is...but I am so thankful for His love! He Himself is Love!

packing

2009-08-19T22:02:00.002-04:00

Here I sit...as I always do before a trip (or move) - contemplating the task of packing. One of my greatest weaknesses is preparing to pack. I get anxious - excited even or nervous before going on trips or moving to a new place - and therefore, I sort've shut down - I become this slow moving, packer...semi-unmotivated, and a little intimidated. Most times I end up sleeping very little - for whatever reason I have a hard time getting myself to rest, let alone to actually pack before going on trips. On occasion it frustrates me and I "hate" packing. Sometimes it annoys me and I "don't feel like packing" and other times I'm so excited "I don't even want to think about packing" -- but pack I must. (darn!)

I find it fun how the Lord confronts us in our weakness. I know for me - it's pretty comical how MUCH I've had to pack over the last 3 weeks...and if we look at the bigger picture, the last 3 years. For someone who goes a lot of places, fairly often, you'd think I'd have this whole packing thing down to a science, right? Nah. I said it was a weakness remember! I stink at packing. (really) Until of course I get in the groove of things - then I'm a 10 minute packer (extremely efficient)!!!! (IMAGINE!!) My biggest problem is the hours it takes to get me to the point in time where I actually take those 10 minutes and get the job done. What a chore it is sometimes!

I sense the Lord is preparing me, even now - for a life of packing, moving, shifting, changing, and all the while resting in Him. I've recently felt like every time I get "settled in" He uproots me again. I've moved three times so far in my less than three months of internship - and each time has been an adventure. I suppose there's nothing better - and I could not ask for more than a life of security that lays only in the moving of the Spirit - to and from - here and there - near and far. Truly my soul's been anchored in the Lord...not a room, nor a house, nor a town, nor a job, or resting place...only Him - and honestly, that's enough.

"What do I have if I don't have You Jesus...what in this life could mean anymore? You are my Rock, You are my Glory, You are the Lifter of my head..."

changing lanes

2009-08-17T14:36:00.005-04:00

It was Friday night - about 9:30 pm.
I was on my way back to the Hephzibah campus after returning some e-mails and enjoying a nice cup of Chai tea at a local cafe, Joshua Cup in downtown Macon. The streets were extremely dark - minus the glow of nearby street lights and the occasional glimmers from the traffic lights of red, yellow, and green kissing the moist Georgia pavement. Checking my mirrors to be aware of my surroundings, I noticed a dark, unlit vehicle behind me. "Hum - looks like a cop is behind me" I thought.

Exchanging a few words with my friend Sarah over the phone - I paid no attention to the car following close behind me. I didn't consider how it had just appeared out of no where, or why its lights were so low and dim. Passing through my second traffic light with only two lanes to choose from, I headed down a small hill - just prior to a bridge area. With darkness creeping in all around me - the white painted lines of the now 4 lane choices screamed at me. My lane was suddenly divided by white paint, forcing me to choose right or left.

Not wanting to detour on the highway this particular night, I quickly shifted to the right a bit, unsuccessfully avoiding a small bump in the road and managed to get myself safely in a straight lane of traffic. That's when I saw it. Blue lights were roaring behind me, scolding my Jeep to pull over. Not sure what I had done wrong, I quickly signaled, hung up the phone, and pulled to the side of the bridge. In my mind rung a thousand possibilities, scenarios, and questions.

"Speed?" No I was doing atleast 5 under the speed limit because the roads were dark and I was on the phone.
"Vehicle maintenance?" Hum...maybe, but last I checked everything was good and up to date.
"Stop lights?" Nope. Pretty sure they were flaming green before I even touched the gas pedal.
"Creeper cops pulling over helpless women on dark bridges late at night?" Not wanting to dwell on this possibility, I rolled my window up so it remained open only about 1/4 of the way and locked my doors.

Hands in my lap I waited for this mystery cop to appear. Flashlight in hand, the cop approached my window. "Mam, do you know why I've pulled you over?" "No sir. Actually, I don't." Motioning with his hands, he pointed back to the lane shifting area - back there Mam, you were (he then swiveled his hand like he was swimming in the air or something to show me what I'd apparently done). "Oh I'm sorry Sir" I replied, "I'm new to the area. I've only lived down here a few months now and I saw the lanes change real quick and wanted to make sure I didn't end up on the highway."

Putting his flashlight near my face he asked, "Have you had anything to drink tonight Mam?" "Just tea Sir!" I replied with a smile. "Just tea, huh? Well be careful then." He retreated back to his cruiser and let me go.

As soon as my window was up, my vehicle in a safe lane, and my phone dialing home - I burst into laughter.I could hardly control myself as I unfolded the tale to my Mom over the phone.

The very idea of him even thinking I could be drunk made me chuckle - I've never had a drink in my life - and about the only thing I could logically say I've ever been 'drunk' in is the Holy Spirit. Oh the situations that make our days unique! Praise the Lord for laughter - and safety in 'changing lanes'! Internship sure if full of random happenings!

a glance back at camp pathway

2009-08-14T10:17:00.004-04:00

*These were some of the moments captured by my supervisor's camera during camp.
Events include the All-Star Kickball game for counselors -- where I accidentally busted the kickball from kicking it too hard -- and earned a home run. This was complimented by a nice pie in the face from one of my campers and some crab soccer in the gym on scooters -- that certainly worked the leg muscles! She also documented the beautiful smiling faces of most of our camp staff -- how I miss them!

a great big mystery

2009-08-14T10:13:00.001-04:00

I love the adventure to be found in not knowing what lies around the corner in our life’s journey with the Lord. The twists, the curves – the unexpected rest stops – the detours – the flat tires – the friendships – the sight seeing – the sweat – the heartache – the stretching – the breaking – the freedom – the new life – the goodbyes and hellos – the fellowship – the learning – the thinking – the breathing – the knowing – are all part of our dance with the King down the pathway He has fashioned especially for our lives.

It seems I am always asking the Lord, “God, what is your purpose in this? What is your purpose for me?” Each time, He patiently, lovingly responds, “Beloved, I know the plans I have for you” or “rest beloved”. Oftentimes the Word reminds me of His promises, “strength will rise as we wait upon the Lord” and “trust in the Lord and lean not on your own understanding” as well as “guard your heart beloved above all else for it determines the course of your life”. Over time have I come to notice that each time I question the Lord in this regard be it verbally, in my mind, in prayer, or in conversation with others – He always affirms what He is doing in my life at this very moment – for His very purposes, in some way.

Perhaps some would think this coincidence – I consider it divine and purposeful – but I was in the office after lunch today walking by my supervisor’s bulletin board for the umpteenth time this summer only this time I was fixated on two small cards attached to this board. I could not possibly begin to measure the number of times I have looked at this board and passed it by without a second thought, yet today something caught my attention as I began to read: WHERE GOD GUIDES HE PROVIDES. “No way,” I thought to myself. Then I read the Scripture reference attached to the rest of the card and my heart was moved, “When you pass through the waters, I will be with you…when you go through rivers of difficulty you will not be swept away…when you walk through the fire, you will not be burned up…For I am the Lord your God…you are precious in my sight…and I love you” (Isaiah 43:2-4)

Over the last week God has spoken this promise to my heart over and over and over again. He has been recalling the truth of this passage to my mind and heart from a season not too long ago at Bethany. A sense of His peace washed over me as my eyes danced to the font on the next card: Trust-in HIS timing, Rely-on HIS promises, Wait-for HIS answers, Believe-in HIS miracles, Rejoice-in HIS goodness, Relax-in HIS presence. Likewise this was attached to a verse from James 4:8, “Come near to God and He will come near to you”. (SIGH) Great is His faithfulness!

I was emotionally overcome as I read these truths, and am once again as I write them here. I think sometimes we get ahead of ourselves when it comes to waiting, resting, timing, believing, and even rejoicing. I know I do – I want everything I do in my life to honor God and His plans/purposes for my life – and I want sooooo much to just KNOW what He’s going to do next – sometimes I hinder myself from resting in the now – from just being in His presence and waiting for Him to say, “Okay Christy. It’s time to go. Let’s move out, alright. Come beloved, and I will show you what’s next”.

To be honest, sometimes when God says this to me in my life, He’s holding my hand and walking me graciously, patiently along this pathway of my life, and I want to run up ahead to see where we’re going. Sometimes He lets me too, perhaps for sheer fun and to remind me to wait for Him – it’s safest to walk this trail holding His hand. Usually in these moments I’m running forward and looking back so intently, my feet catch unexpected roots and my face kisses unexpected dirt before I can even think twice about slowing down.

This is important because if I wait on Him, and hold His hand for the journey, He is always faithful to guide me through those unexpected roots, and to lift me up and away from those moments of meeting the dirt face to face in my life. The thing is – I just have to wait, and it’s so stinkin’ hard sometimes! Oooh, but there is nothing quite as sweet as journeying with Him! Nothing is quite so adventurous – so free – so purposeful and fulfilling! In the future I will continue to try my best in waiting for Him – I will continue to saturate my heart with the promises and Truth of the Word so I will be reminded to wait for His hand to take me to the next stop on the trail – after all, “the joy is in the journey”.

beautiful differences

2009-08-14T10:07:00.003-04:00

What do you get when you combine a 300 lb. redneck Texan woman, a sarcastic German lady in her late seventies, a middle-aged black woman with a healthy sense of self-awareness and humor, and a young adult college student interning in a foreign place? Let’s find out! I’m rather certain there are many possible answers to this question, many theories which could be developed, tested, and eventually proven wrong, or maybe even half right. The key is truly “seeing” what is present to be seen – to look beyond the surface to find understanding.

From the outside one may observe a whole lot of laughter, a strange mix of friendship, or perhaps sheer coincidence. They may recognize a constant, free flowing conversation – an effortless joy that streams across the table as each person offers their thoughts on the matter at hand. Clown faces may compliment what is being said or surprised expressions if you stick around long enough to explore the situation.

Needless to say, I realized after experiencing this Monday at lunch, what you truly get when you combine all these various personalities together is a beautiful picture of the body of Christ. I noticed a snapshot of God’s creative hand at work in designing His children with a unique purpose – fashioning them with a unique appearance, way of thinking, and even special laughs. Sometimes this is difficult to appreciate! Sometimes it takes work to realize not everyone acts, thinks, functions, or operates the same way we were created to.

Each of these ladies was completely different. In fact to declare us all polar opposites would be a fair and legitimate statement. This is shown through appearance, life experiences, level of education, speech, relationship status – everything. Yet somehow, the one thing we all hold in common strung us together like a beautiful display of ornaments on a Christmas tree – our love for Christ. We are all, in spite of our differences, our strengths, weaknesses, experiences, and appearances, part of one body – the body of Christ. We are all daughters of the King – and that alone is a beautiful thing! That alone is what allows us to freely fellowship!

When I put this together with what Scripture promises will happen one day when we all get to Heaven, my heart rejoices and delights in these moments, these small snapshots of what Heaven will be like – interacting with all sorts of people – unified as one before the Lord – and I smile.

It seems in our world today so many people fight for their rights to be different – and not many people take a stand to be united and recognized as “one” – even Christians. Everyone somehow wants their own glory and recognition – as their own person. The Bible tells us time and time again we are not our own – we belong to One who is Great in power, might and strength! I believe it is our differences that strengthen our “oneness” and allow us to grow stronger with a common purpose – a common intention – determination – and motivation.

The Lord uses the strengths of other members of the Body to compliment and balance out our weaknesses. Likewise He uses the strengths He has knit within us to balance and compliment the weaknesses of those around us so we can grow in Him – for His glory. Perhaps it is the hope of what is to come that makes me smile most. The Bible tells us that “one day every knee will bow in Heaven, and on earth, and under the earth and every tongue will confess that Jesus Christ is Lord, to the glory of God the Father” (Philippians 2). In the future I will continue to ask the Lord to show me, with His eyes, His beauty in diverse interactions – and I will embrace opportunities that are to come – where I may meet and grow with others in the Body of Christ!

I'd encourage you to take a look at the people around you today - let the Lord show you how these people could be, if they served Him - and celebrate the beauty of recognizing Christ and His purposes inside of those who do serve Him!

adjusting

2009-08-09T16:36:00.003-04:00

Camp is finished.
Counselors have gone home.
Kiddos are in school.
Hephzibah seems rather quiet.
It's a season of adjusting - from GO GO GO to...go go going in a different kind of way.

Sometimes its lonely.
Sometimes its empty.
Sometimes I'm curious of the purpose...
Then I'm reminded of God's great love.
His favor.
His plans.
His purposes.
His intentions.
His promises.
His faithfulness.

Regardless of how it may SEEM...I must remember I NEVER walk alone.
Sure I get bumps, scratches, bruises, and sometimes pulled muscles along the way...but He is always right beside me. He carries me, breathes life into me, supports me, and ultimately...how He loves me so.

In spite of all the craziness about me...the Love of the Lord endures.
I'm reminded of a verse from one of my favorite hymns...
"His oath, His covenant, His blood, support me in the whelming flood - When all around my soul gives way...He then is all my hope and stay."

My heart is open...my life is His.
What is to come? I have no idea...but I'll try my best to rest.
I will wait upon the Lord and trust - just as His word promises...Strength will rise as we wait upon the Lord (Isaiah 40:28-31).

brothers and sisters

2009-08-02T15:15:00.003-04:00

(Elizabeth, Harley, me and Sutton)
Friday I had two sweet moments I simply cannot neglect to document in some form and share – for I wish the way my heart was blessed by these small, sweet moments, to be shared with anyone willing to take a moment to remember with me. I was on the soccer field with my Group #1 little girlies playing a tag game. It was sweltering hot outside (welcome to Georgia), but the sunshine was beautiful as it penetrated our skin and a soft summer breeze kissed our sweaty cheeks. Laughter filled the air and smiles and protests arose as a result of everyone’s progress in the game.

“Miss Christy! My head is SO hot and sweaty!” Sutton said to me with a great look of disgust and irritation. Her expression made me chuckle as I promised to fix this little problem for her. Asking her for her hair bow, I made a giant messy bun on the top of her head. Little ringlets formed around her face and fell from the sweat and moisture in the air making her an adorable little sight to see. Reflecting on this moment I realize how good kids are at loving ‘unconditionally’ – for even though it was sweltering, sticky, sweaty, and just plain ol’ HOT outside, Sutton and Jordan wanted to snuggle close in my lap. This extra body head did not help my desire to cool down – but my heart felt free and bubbling over with the love of Jesus for these little girls.

As we prepared to head inside for our next activity of the day, Sutton and Jordan took my hands and we began to skip inside. Glancing up at me with a thoughtful, loving glance Sutton said, “I wish you were my mom Miss Christy!” I will admit, I am extremely excited about being a mom some day to a beautiful, loving little one like this, but my mind also flashed with the reality of needing to assure Sutton that she is exactly where she needs to be. I noticed she was excited as she shared this and very serious too, so I did not question her, but rather decided to remind her of how much her mom and dad love her. This is important because Sutton is adopted (something I recently discovered), so the fact that anyone would ever wish to give up such a precious little girl like this one baffles me.

My response was one, I believe of hope and truth. Thanking her for being so sweet, I said, “Sutton you already have a really nice mommy, remember you introduced us? And your daddy too Sutton, he is really nice too!” “Yea, I know Miss Christy, but I wish you were my mom”. She stopped talking after this for a second and recognizing she really meant what she was saying, my heart was moved and the Lord reminded me that this little girl loves me because we are part of the same family, we are both part of the body of Christ – sisters in the Lord. I believe Sutton needed to know this, so I told her, “Well Sutton, you know what is really cool? We’re sisters Sutton! Did you know that? I think that is way better than be being your mom, and since you already have a nice mom – it is pretty awesome that we are sisters. You know? Jordan is our sister too! If we love Jesus and follow His ways, the Bible tells us that we are all part of the same family – and this means we are sisters!”

(me, Madison & Jordan)
“Really? We are sisters?” Sutton inquired. Jordan piped up, “Yea we might not be blood related, but in Heaven we will all become sisters and family.” “God created the Heavens and the earth” Sutton informed me matter of factly. My heart smiled deeply as these two little sisters of mine began to recite truth from the Word God has already (at the age of six) written on their hearts – truth that is definitive and important, as well as applicable to them right now in life and will continue to be as they grow and experience life on newer, deeper, more challenging levels.

(me and Madison)

The second instance was also quite beautiful and sweet. I was in the pavilion with Madison (another six year old sister). She was tugging on my arm and looked rather adamant. “Miss Christy! Miss Christy! I forgot to tell you something!” “You did? Oh no. What do you need to tell me Miss Madison?” “I love you!” she responded throwing her arms around me to give me a hug. My heart melted as I chuckled in response, “Awwh Madison! That is so sweet to say. Thank you. I love you too!”

I realized in this moment that I really do love these kids – not all of them – and some more than others – but in a very unique, special, individual way certain kiddos have wiggled their way into my heart. I wonder if this is a small taste of what it feels like to have a child of your own – to watch them grow and learn things, to teach them and see the fruit of what you have taught, or the influence of how you carry yourself reflected in their lives. I’ve had a beautiful experience with my little campers; I can only imagine what parenthood is like!?!?

(Jake)

(Blake)

(Virginia, me & Elizabeth)

a hippie named Lindsay

2009-07-27T23:14:00.001-04:00

Yesterday I was traveling to Wal-Mart to pick up a few much needed items like shampoo and saline solution when I saw a woman – clad in a flowing green outfit sitting on the grass along the driveway. Exhaustion pained her face as she hopelessly held out her cardboard sign: “Traveling. Broke. Hungry.” This was complimented with a peace sign in the corner. My heart was instantly flooded with an overwhelming amount of emotions. First of all, I was excited because whenever I see people like this alongside the road they are usually scruffy men with giant bags, and I find it necessary to honor my parents request not to associate with them when I am by myself.

Today, however, it was different – it was a lady! I felt like for once, I could actually help someone in this type of situation. I pleaded with the Lord, “God please keep her there! Please! I really want to bless her day. If you keep her there until I get out of this store, I’ll get her something. Please Lord! Help her stay there!”I noticed not many cars were even giving her and the little cardboard sign a second glance, yet my heart felt moved to get her something while I ran my errands.
The Lord laid it on my heart to buy her something with sustenance – food. I headed to the juice aisle, not knowing what to get, and having a constant conversation with the Lord asking Him, as if He would somehow pull it off the shelf for me and stick it in the cart. Reflecting on this small moment in time, I realize now that is essentially just what He did. Standing in the juice aisle I found myself gathering a favorite of mine – a 100% juice mix with servings of fruit and vegetables.

Okay Lord, so now what do I get this lady to eat? “Special K peanut butter protein bars” rang in my mind. Before I knew what I was doing, I instinctively was wheeling my cart across the store to retrieve these protein bars. The funniest thing about choosing this type of protein bar is rather interesting. You see to funny understand the implications of this very small, seemingly insignificant gesture one must know two important bits of information: 1) they are my favorite and Wal-Mart has been out of them since June. 2) There was only one box in the whole store on this shelf.

I contemplated getting another kind, but was quickly reminded that there was only one box of these, clearly the Lord wanted this lady to have this box of protein bars. Perhaps it was my nerves and excitement warring against one another in a giant dance of my mind and heart that caused me to forget where I parked my car – but it took me a few minutes to realize I was on the entirely opposite side of the parking lot than where I was looking for my vehicle. I had a clear plan etched out in my mind. I would jump in the car and drive across the parking lot to see if the lady was still sitting on the grass. If she was, which I dearly hoped so I would give her the food and tell her it was a blessing from the Lord – if not, I would keep it. Plain, short, simple, and sweet.

I was emotionally relieved as I pulled my Jeep up behind where the lady was sitting. She glanced over, exhausting still etched on her face. “Hey!” she called. I answered back politely with a “Hello!” Then something on her face twitched, jolted almost, as I moved toward her. She spoke again, “Is that…is that food?” “Yes Maham!” I answered excitedly. Throwing her arms straight up in the air she nearly sung, she was so excited, “Yes! Score! I’m sooo hungry!”

She ran over to me and as I placed the food items into her hands, her tired eyes met mine for a split second. “Here you go! I saw you sitting here and wanted to get you a little something. God bless you!” I said. “Well, bless you too dear!” she said back. She seemed most excited to share with her friends that were somewhere near by, but nowhere that I could see. Tossing her arms around my neck she gave me a thankful hug and skipped off to explore her gifts on the grass. She gave me a peace sign and I turned away. Without thinking I turned around and called back to her, “Excuse me Mam! What’s your name?” “My name? Oh, it’s Lindsay! Yours?” “Christy! God bless you Lindsay!”

I walked back to my car nearly skipping, nearly crying, and I realized how something so simple, so intentional vastly changed the outcome of my day – and Lindsay’s too. As I drove away she was beaming with a thankful smile, waving and giving me the peace sign, I smiled inside thinking about how great God is for entrusting us to do little things like this that bless His beloved children.

An adventure at the beach at Jekyll Island, GA

2009-07-23T22:43:00.000-04:00

a glimpse of my heart on July 17, 2009

2009-07-22T22:19:00.000-04:00

I felt really weepy today. I was emotionally a wild assortment of things – awestruck, grateful, thoughtful, peaceful, nervous, curious, determined, blessed, and plain ol’ overwhelmed by the goodness and faithfulness of God. All week I have been sitting in with the oldest girl’s group for devotion time. Every day this week I have had the opportunity to speak truth in the lives of these girls and to have it reflected back into my own heart. I realize now, today was no different.

As I think about this time, there is one girl who stands out in my mind whom the Lord has struck my heart with this week – Brooke Gregory. Brooke is a beautiful young lady, full of life and energy. She has diabetes and her family struggles financially, but this doesn’t seem to debilitate her spirits and drive for life. All week Brooke has been pretty open in asking questions about God, relationships, and living a life that honors God – as well as sharing information from her own life. Today, as Brooke spoke her thoughts my heart was moved and I began to weep – as the Lord reminded me of His call upon my life – and showed me a glimpse of the promise and purpose He has for this little sister of mine, Brooke.

Brooke shared thoughts she has had about desiring her family to be protected and that she believes her life will be somewhat short – that she wants to be a missionary in other countries, telling people about Jesus. This is important to consider because this girl does not go to church – and most of her Christian influence comes from her being at camp. According to her counselors, she has grown and changed significantly over the summer. Bless the Lord!

The words Brooke spoke to me in the office this afternoon as she checked her blood sugar are still ringing in my mind and heart, “Miss Christy, I’m going to be a missionary one day and maybe I’ll see you out there too.” Perhaps it was her pointing, or the simple delight and laughter that danced in her eyes as she said those encouraging words to me, regardless of what it was exactly, these words spoken triggered something at the very depth of my heart and I became weepy again – with a joyful, dance worthy excitement stirring up in me as well.

My thought process was one of gratitude, thankfulness, fear, and expectation. I am amazed how God reminded me of how very different this season of waiting is for me, through His call on the life of a precious daughter – His beloved, Brooke. I believe with all my heart she will be a missionary some day serving the Lord – even unto death. There’s a fire in her heart – ready to be consumed by Christ. Lord, let Your will be done in Brooke’s life – and my life too! I am reminded of some song lyrics sung by some brothers in Christ, Atlantic, “All I am, for all You are – nothing else can satisfy God – all I am – for all You are – nothing else can satisfy…”.

lifeguarding

2009-07-22T22:15:00.000-04:00

The other day I was lifeguarding in the pool, once again for my ‘little sisters’ in group #1. All of a sudden Madison called out to me excitedly, “Look Miss Christy! Look! I’m swimming to you!”. I gave her thumbs up and a smile as she climbed out of the pool preparing to jump. “Did you see that Miss Christy!? Are you so very proud of me for doing such a great job?” I assumed Madison must have had someone tell her she did such a great job at something for her to parrot this grand statement to me completely off the cuff and without prodding.

This showed me Madison’s trust in me as a person responsible for her care. She knew I would be watching – all she needed to do was call to get my attention – and even without calling out, she had my attention – watching for her safety, and she could delight herself in swimming rather than worrying about saving her own life in the pool.

I related this to how we try to get God’s attention sometimes. What we do not always realize is that we already have His full attention – yet still we cry out. “Look Abba! Did you see that? Are you so very proud of me for doing such a great job?” Sometimes I feel like God smiles on us and says, “Beloved, look! Look what I have done through you – you gave a valiant effort. Come my weak little one, let me teach you how to find true strength.”

It is important to realize Madison is completely capable of swimming without me and jumping too, but her childlike excitement made me chuckle inside – and reflection on it now, I get a picture of presenting myself before the Lord with a similar childlike faith – carrying with it a belief that He loves me simply because I am His child – and I can delight in knowing He is watching me try, attempt, fail, and succeed – all according to His great plan for my life. In the future I will continue to venture boldly and courageously down the pathway God has designed and ordained for my life – trusting that He is watching – protecting – and guiding me along the way.

4th of July weekend in South Carolina

2009-07-13T19:57:00.002-04:00

(These are some pictures from my trip - explaining a little bit of what I did during my weekend of the 4th. They sort've go backwards in showing my journey - I was able to visit some dear friends from BBC traveling on *EMPOWERED* this summer, went hiking at some falls in the local area, and saw fireworks in downtown Greenville. We stayed at the Power's house in Central,SC and had a blessed weekend of fellowship & fun.)

beautiful movement

2009-07-13T19:47:00.000-04:00

It amazes me how easily little ones capture our hearts with their smiles, hugs, and cuddliness. One of my favorite groups to work with here at Hephzibah is the 5-6 year olds. Both groups (boys and girls), have little ones in them who are special to my heart. I have recently noticed the great lengths of growth they have had over the last seven weeks of summer – growing from shy to more outgoing, hesitant to bold, and uneasy to trusting. Granted these changes have not been blatant nor cold turkey, however, they have been a gradual, blessed, sweet process. Each week of loving on these little boys and girls as individuals – showing them their uniqueness and special qualities God has made them with has allowed for many open, trusting doors in their lives.

I think this is important to recognize because there is nothing yet at camp, which I have found to be more precious than the excitement of little ones to see you – their beaming smiles, open arms, and mouths full of stories to tell about their families, vacations, pets, or whatever else is presently important to them. It is heart-melting when a little one takes you by the hand and jumping up and down squeals, “Miss Christy! Are you going to be with us!?” or when they crawl into your lap during circle meets and tilt their heads to rest on your shoulder because they feel safely loved by Christ who loves them through you.

For example, one of our Hindu little girls Megha, has refused to participate in many things at camp. We had a volunteer group visit from Virginia for a week and the ladies from the group blessed us with a worship dance class for all the girls. I was able to participate with my little sister-friends, and for the most part we had a blast. Megha, however refused each day to join us. She stood, stone faced in the middle of the gym, not moving until the end of class. We tried everything – being silly, being serious, asking nicely, and dancing around her, but each time the response was the same, a big fat “NO!” – Until Friday that is.

Friday was a pivotal moment for Megha and our group. In the afternoon we had a mass dance time with all the girls groups at camp – because each group had learned a part of the song routine. We all got into place on the floor and when the music started, Miss Hannah caught my attention to tell me Megha was dancing. Furthermore, to make things even more astounding – she was doing all the right steps, yet she hadn’t busted a single dance move the entire week! I felt victory and great joy welling up in my heart. Finally, she was dancing – and to top it all off, she was smiling too.
The principle involved was one of perseverance and patience. Many may have been frustrated or even tempted to give up on this stubborn little girl, but constant encouragement, silliness, and persistence led us to a beautiful moment of growth in Megha’s life. It was a moment worth celebrating. Our dance was finally complete, when everyone participated!

Reflecting on this experience I am reminded of how “slowly” the body of Christ seems to move forward in life. Sometimes our brothers and sisters are stubborn as mules and we feel like we are talking to brick walls, or not being heard/understood – all the while, we are being tested, and choosing to wait for that beautiful moment when the stubbornness is released is so worth the battle and perseverance to get there.

'Lord of my laughter'

2009-07-03T12:19:00.001-04:00

Wednesday was a truly blessed day. As I reflect upon all the events, work, rewards, and blessings I encountered I cannot help but smile. There is nothing quite like jumping in a car with the Lord, driving four hours up the highway to see someone you love. Over the last week I have been fairly emotionally overwhelmed – only not in a frustrating, weighty way. Rather, I have been emotionally overwhelmed in the sense that I desire nothing more than to prance, skip, dance, and sing – all while declaring, “my cup overflows!” from Psalm 23. Surely the goodness of the Lord is worthy of our reverence, our faithfulness, our praise, our time, efforts, energy, motivations, aspirations, dreams, hopes, everything!

As I observed the EXALT youth choir ministering Wednesday I was thankful for the Lord’s goodness and bringing together this fine group of young people to learn more about Him, each other, and His love. My favorite song the choir sang struck deeply at my heart in a place the Lord has been recently investigating. The words to the song go something like this: “You’re the Lord of my days, the King of my nights – Lord of my laughter – Sovereign in sorrow – You’re the Prince of my Praise, Love of my Life, You never leave me, You’re always faithful…”

Let’s just say I noticed a little “dust on the mantle” in this area of my life and I needed that “white glove” reminder that purity of speech is essential. Granted I do not cuss up a storm, nor do I intentionally make cuts at people. In fact, I am a strong advocate against sarcasm and fictitious misleading remarks. However, I am human and quite vulnerable to slipping up in the sarcasm department once in awhile, when others around me practice it regularly. Sometimes I’m even guilty of laughing when others practice sarcasm.

Thankfully I notice it right away and though people always encourage me when I make those remarks saying things like “Good one!” I never find myself proud – rather I find myself backtracking in my mind with some small ounce of despair wondering how in the world my tongue managed to maneuver its way down that path to dispose those words upon some helpless person. Yikes!

This is important because as the choir sang I was reminded that Christ should be the ‘Lord of my laughter and the Prince of my praise’. I am reminded of a worship song that says, “On my lips there’s a shout of praise” and how the book of James speaks about how the tongue both blesses and curses – sometimes even in the same breath – that’s crazy and really motivates me to continually be conscious about what I say. I am not meant so speak by men’s standards, but rather by standards of holiness that honor both God and His creation with my actions, thoughts, and WORDS.

"Speak only that which is useful for building up the body of Christ..."

EXALT adventures

2009-07-03T12:01:00.002-04:00

Drove up to Gastonia, NC on Wednesday to visit with my sister Weizi-lou and to watch the EXALT choir -from Bethany Bible College. While there I had a little adventure to the crafts store with my music director's wife and daughter and enjoyed a blessed time of worship led by the choir.

child-like faith

2009-06-26T20:02:00.001-04:00

I noticed this afternoon that my heart grows fonder of the kids at this camp each day. With every scraped knee, sarcastic remark, smile, ‘light bulb’ thinking moment, and endless reminder to hush, pay attention, or get going, I am beginning to see the life – the purpose in this ministry. I think I entered the summer with some expectations about my teens especially, which have since been broken, refined, and altogether made different.

To see a child smile when you’ve hugged them, or to be pummeled over by their joyous excitement in seeing you – to hear other counselors or parents speak of how they always hear talk of you – to see the influence – the growth in their little hearts from one simple, precious ingredient – Love. I’m starting to see how every smile, silly prank, and moment spent listening with undivided attention means the world to these kids. They treasure the opportunity of saying goodbye to you, or telling you about their birthday. When you see them at the store, they remind you of how cool it was several days later.

My perception has changed somewhat – Camp Pathway is no longer just the place I’m doing my internship – or the place I am training young leaders to be good counselors – No. This place has become an endless battlefield where my only weapons are the power of the Spirit at work in and through me, His love, and my choice to depend upon and represent Christ in all I do. That’s it. No amount of treats, scolding, yelling sessions, or boring lectures will do. This is important because I have found myself bandaging more than wounded knees – there are countless little hearts bubbling over with childlike faith this world has hurt, rejected, discarded, and forgotten.

Reflecting on this, I am reminded of how Jesus told the disciples to allow the little children to come unto Him, and that we all should, following their example, approach Him with the same childlike faith – and trust. I think I finally realize, in full, that every smile, hug, wiped tear, bandaged knee, and moment spent playing silly games is one step closer to Heaven for these kids. The principle involved here is simple: I am a soldier – at war for the Kingdom. Right now, in the season, at this place, I fight for the hearts of little ones, seeking to protect them and love them so they may be led to the feet of Christ where healing, life, and the way are found. I fight for hearts – precious hearts in need of Christ’s love and purpose in them.

I am reminded of a quote my friend Adam once shared with me. The quality of this quote is important because its contents and implications have stuck with me for many years. He once told me, “Christy, the more you sweat in the training, the less you bleed in battle”. I know one thing for sure – I’ve done a whole lot of sweating in training thus far – and I know there is plenty more training to come – but when those battles come – I am finding myself more ready and better equipped to take up my cross – carrying forth the sword of the Spirit and seeing the enemy denied and demolished, both in my life and the lives of the little ones I have been chosen to care for. To God be the glory! May He continue to build ties with these precious ones and Himself.

eternity at stake

2009-06-26T20:01:00.000-04:00

If ever there was question regarding the importance of when and how to represent Christ in our words, thoughts, and actions, I was reminded once again today that such a lifestyle is necessary and vital for every moment and activity of our lives. Perhaps the Lord felt I needed a little extra stretching this week for in the last 24 hours I have acquired two new CITs for the week – bringing my total up to 11. Managing eleven teenagers without a co-counselor is a semi-overwhelming task, but by the grace of God, it is doable.

This morning during our session on the process of “Cooperative Problem Solving” and various skills involved, we were blessed with a strange visitor – a new CIT named Melissa. My perception at first was a little curious and interested. I noticed Melissa did not seem all that interested to be joining our group, and kept her head buried so we could see little of her face.

A few obvious things about Melissa that stood out to everyone were her bright blue hair, and her giant sharpie tattoo consuming the bulk of space on her wrist. My teens were in a bit of shock. I assumed asking her to share a bit about herself would be helpful to the group, but it only made them that much more overwhelmed. Melissa made a rather negative impression on our group with her first words, and followed this up by sharing of her aspirations to become a tattoo artist when she is older. When I put this together with her appearance I was not surprised.

Reflecting on the day I still hear clearly in my mind Melissa’s curiously sarcastic words, “Is this camp like all about God or something?” When I answered her, I never imagined the response I would receive. “I don’t believe in God. I’m an atheist”. I think she was a little caught off guard by my reaction to her claim. She proceeded to tell me that most people judge her because she is so weird. I instinctively felt the love of Christ welling up deep in my heart for this girl and fought her self put-downs with kind reminders of her uniqueness.

At the moment I was a little emotionally challenged and overwhelmed. I felt helpless. An atheist girl who doesn’t love Jesus? What in the world would I do? I stole away in a quiet room for a few minutes to ask for guidance and wisdom from the Lord – I knew without a doubt my greatest challenge was going to be to love this girl like Christ as hard, and intensely as I can this week – so I will leave a mark on her life – a mark of truth and life, of peace and joy, of love and promise, and of purpose through relationship with Christ. My thought process suddenly became not my own. It was now my purpose to impress on this little girl a sense of Christ’s love – even thought she has no belief or desire to believe in God.

I did find hope however as we spoke and I asked if we could have a conversation about what she believes. She told me religious people are not good at listening to her because they think she is wrong and weird, and she hates pretending to satisfy people. I told her she did not need to pretend, but I would like to hear her thoughts. She expressed potential for her desiring to research God “when she is older”, but for now she was satisfied not believing in Him. A sense of great urgency beat within my heart. This was important because it forced me to think differently – to see differently through a separate set of eyes – how a girl who does not know Jesus sadly, hopelessly, perceives the world and people around her. Sadly, Melissa believes that no one can really love her – that God does not love her – and that everyone has some sort of alternative agenda against her. This breaks my heart.

God provided a blessed opportunity for me to share my heart and brokenness for this girl with my CIT group – and to help them understand the urgency and importance of people knowing Christ. The very fact that eternity is at stake when someone refuses to follow Christ and live in relationship with Him is frightening. My kids even acknowledged how sad and scary it is to think that Melissa could go to hell if she lives a life without Jesus. This was important because I was able to have a serious, reality check heart-talk with my CITs about our whole life purpose. Their hearts were stirred, challenged, and questioned. It was an encouraging, blessed, and unifying time for our group.

I challenged my CITs by saying something to the affect of, “Look guys. I care for you – that’s why I’m here. Now we have three days, three more days! With Melissa – and we may be the only impression of Jesus she ever receives in her whole life – so can we rise to the challenge of loving on her like Christ, of showing her God’s love that we all know and share?” They all agreed to the challenge and things felt different as we walked away from our talking spot under the tree. There was a certain motivation, a sense of drive and purpose, a battlefield mentality to storm the gates of hell for this new girl we hope to see become a sister in the Lord!

Reflecting on the experience as a whole, I was reminded of something I prayed about last night – I told God I was tired of living “just a day, just an ordinary day” and that I wanted to live the extraordinary – the best – the hardest and toughest for His glory. Who knew He would kindly follow through by sending me an unbelieving little girl with a lot of deep hurts, lacking a sense of purpose and feeling much like a weird freak or outcast! Lord, breathe your Spirit in this place!

Happy Father's Day!

2009-06-22T19:28:00.003-04:00

To the man who's watched me grow...
Comforted me when I cried...
Fought for me when I was wronged...
Disciplined me when I was sly...
Cheered for me when I needed support...
Believed in me when I was unsure...
Laughed with me about life...
Reminded me of where I come from...
Coached me from the sidelines and bleachers...
Loved me unconditionally no matter what.

To a the man I admire and cherish - including all your crazy kinks and characteristics. Happy Father's Day Dad! Love you!

22 years Daddy! You've done good!
(but remember...not without Mom's help and teamwork!
"It takes two baby...it takes two baby...woo!)

just a day, just an ordinary day

2009-06-22T19:02:00.005-04:00

It seems as though the running theme the Lord continues to place in my path is a solid truth from Ephesians 3:20- "Now all glory to God, who is able, through his mighty power at work within us, to accomplish infinitely more than we might as or think". I've been seeing, reading and hearing this EVERYWHERE. Think I should maybe pay attention?

See...I think sometimes I am guilty of settling for just a day, just an ordinary day - and when I do, I find myself strangely at war with - myself. My heart aches and craves the Deep.

I'm reminded of a few phrases from a song that used to play on the radio during my early teen years, "just a day, just an ordinary day - just trying to get by - just a dream just an ordinary dream..." Why settle for the ordinary? What's the point? It's nothing special - it's just ordinary.

If you had the choice between a piece of freshly baked, drizzled with melting butter bread - or an ordinary piece of bread, which would you choose? Why?

So why do we settle for the ordinary things..when we could ask God for mind-boggling, seemingly impossible things through prayer - and believe for them - only to see Him be glorified in doing abundantly and infinitely more than we could EVER ask or even imagine?

I'm tired of ordinary days. I want to live a life of adventurous belief in the One who is ABLE...through His mighty power at work within me...do do infinitely more than I could ever ask or imagine. Why? I serve a mighty God...why not allow Him to use me for His mighty works - weak and unworthy as I am?

His love - His peace - His joy - His promises - His faithfulness - everything about Him is extravagant...why not live in pursuit and devotion to Him with the most extravagant effort we can muster? Lord help me to see...to know...to trust...to rest...to go...and to be.

Visiting the Georgia Aquarium

2009-06-20T00:27:00.001-04:00

My roommate Sarah Waddell visited me for the weekend a two weeks ago and we ventured to Atlanta where we explored the world's largest aquarium - the Georgia Aquarium. It was a captivating, fun, child-like experience! Here are some glimpses of what we got to see and were amazed by! God is so creative - it baffles my mind how we try to capture the beauty of the oceans deep - and yet so much remains unknown, undiscovered, and untouched by human eyes, minds, or hands. Places like this always make me smile. What a powerful God we serve eh?

becoming a jewel

2009-06-19T18:55:00.000-04:00

I really appreciate when people take time out of their day to invest in the lives of others. I especially appreciate when I am on the receiving end of some of this “loving” and receive an e-mail, a letter, or a quick little note, just expressing that someone, somewhere for whatever reason is glad I am alive, believes in me, and mostly, loves me. Reflecting on an e-mail I received the other day from my dear sister Aisha, I feel both encouraged and blessed.

She shared something she had learned recently in a book she was reading about jewels. Perhaps I assumed, like many people, that the process for creating jewels is rather uncomplicated. Apparently, I was wrong. The process of a jewel’s creation is hard work, requiring much sifting and chipping away so it may glimmer and shine brilliantly as a true gem. This is important because all jewels begin as plain ol’ rocks. There’s nothing particularly special about them other than the fact that they need an awful lot of work done to them to work them into the jewel they were always meant to be.

Aisha shared with me that for a plain ol’ rock to become a jewel it involves a rather grueling process of being tested and lashed by the elements. It must endure winds, rains, fire, chipping away, and so much more so it may be slashed, tossed, and turned, eventually becoming a brilliant jewel! When I put this together with the sometimes grueling process of becoming more like Christ, I realize how greatly we are in need of God’s grace and how very thankful I am for His chipping away on me to become His masterpiece!

We too are like precious jewels before the King of Kings. He deserves nothing but the best, and yet He still chooses plain ol’ rocks to be tested, tried, worked on, and loved on – so He can watch as they become the brilliant jewels He created them to be – to break free of their plain ol’ rocky selves. The logic behind this whole process ties in wonderfully with where I feel I am at in this season and journey of life: internship. Concerning fire, it was 103 boiling degrees outside today – so the Lord is certainly testing me by bringing on the head. My heart too is being stretched to love in new capacities I never imagined possible before.

When I put this together with everything I am learning and enduring, I see the hope and the growth present in my life. I recognize how there is still much work to be done on me – much more tossing and turning on the jagged rocks around me and enduring the elements – so I may be stripped of my rocky self and made into the brilliant, beautiful, lively jewel the King desires me to be – that I may reflect His Majesty!

lovin' for real

2009-06-11T23:13:00.001-04:00

Mother Theresa said, “Intense love does not measure – it just gives!” I think this really hard to comprehend and yet I am faced with situations every day that call me to choose to love like this – to love like Christ. I know God doesn’t give us spankings, but He sure does give us a good thump or two once in awhile with His word – and depending on our stubbornness we may get a little boot in the rump too. This is important because I find it necessary to be constantly reminded just how imperfect I really am, and how blessed I am to bare the mark of God’s grace upon my heart.

I think one of the hardest things about desiring to love intensely, without measuring is that we want to protect it, to guide it, to make sure it gets where it is supposed to be going without any bumps and bruises along the way, when in reality – I am an imperfect person and therefore, my love is not perfect love. Christ’s love is though – and “perfect love casts out all fear”. I relate this thought to yet another statement I heard the other day, “Don’t love cautiously. Love extravagantly!” Wow!

One of the hardest things for me to swallow lately has been realizing that I have a whole lot of people in my life who do not necessarily “measure” up in loving me – and that hurts, a lot actually. Some people do a real crummy job loving on those they care most about. I relate this thought to something I learned in PLC. Prez often reminded us, “If you love greatly – you can hurt greatly”. This reminder has been stamped on my heart – and even though I understand the consequences of loving greatly, my heart has also come to understand that aching greatly is not always fun, but it is remarkably beautiful!

In Family Life Ministry last semester Pastor Elliott astounded me week after week with facts and statistics about the makeup and general wellbeing of family in our world today. To be rather blunt, “family these days ain’t all it’s cracked up to be” and in many cases, it just plain ol’ stinks. I realized the need for me to really LOVE my CITs because a lot of them do not see nor receive Christ-like love through their “families”.

Yesterday my teens said, “Miss Christy, why are you so patient with us? If I were you, I would be screaming my head off at us.” I realized I do not need to yell or scream at these teens, even though they do a pretty crummy job of listening to anything and everything I say or ask of them. My perception is pretty one-sided because I only see them during the day, and perhaps these kids already have enough people to yell at them in their lives. The principle involved here was one of patience, yes, but underneath, I also think I am learning to really love. I am far from perfect in this, but I have freedom in expressing myself so as not to hurt or wound those I am expressing myself toward.

Dr. Maurice Watson, the senior pastor at the Beulahland Bible Church I have begun attending said something to the effect of this in his sermon on Sunday concerning the words we speak, “Listen child of God, the English language is broad enough for you to express yourself - even when you’re angry, without any need for vulgarity or insult to enter the mix”. My reaction to this is simply shouting “TRUTH!” just like we do in Personal Evangelism with Mike MacNeil when someone accepts Christ in their lives, “TRUTH!”

unity in the body of Christ

2009-06-09T20:48:00.001-04:00

For a long span of time I have felt ‘out of place’ or like an outsider. I was emotionally drained from “church hopping” for the last two and a half years. Being at school and a member of ministry teams allowed me to be exposed to a vast array of churches, but it also gave me an opportunity to analyze and to heart-critique the environments I was choosing to worship in. After a whole lot of frustration, tears, anger, attitude, and careful thought I began to develop deep in my heart a core set of truths which, when not present in a worship service, I find my heart grieved. It has been a long time since I attended a church service and saw people come forward to accept Jesus in their hearts, trusting He will change them and bring LIFE to their being.

When I was first preparing to move to Macon for my internship I began to search for churches on the internet. Despite all the hurt and frustration the organization and institution of “church” has caused me over the last few years, I still realize the great importance in being connected with the Body of Christ. This does not mean I find it necessary to be connected to a building, nor am I an advocate of rules, planned services, and structure.

While I understand the necessity of these things, within reason, I also believe in balance, and freedom. I am a huge fan of freedom, and when it comes to worshipping the Lord, I am all about freedom. My perception of worship has led me to believe that we are to worship in *Spirit* and in *Truth*. In my searches, I came across Beulahland Bible Church. After searching their website, I assumed this church may be some sort of mega church and I wasn't overly impressed nor tugged to pursue attending or discovering what the Lord may have for me there.

Yesterday I went to Beulahland Bible Church and the presence of the Holy Spirit was so sweet and thick, and welcome that I began to weep. My heart was being restored and refreshed with each breath I took. My roommate Sarah visited me for the weekend and we stood, swaying and clapping, smiling, and weeping in the presence of the Lord, as the only two white people in the building.

In a sea of beautiful black and brown I felt sense of home unlike anything I have felt at church in a very long time. This was important because the Lord began to speak healing, peace, and rest in my heart. I was emotionally overwhelmed, humbled, broken, and restored so my cup was overflowing with the sweetness of the Holy Spirit. The people in this church communicated a deep desire to meet with God, and to be united as one.

I related this to something I have been reading in my morning devotions over the last week about the church community/body of believers in Acts, who we are told were “one in mind and spirit”. When prayer time came in the service, we were instructed to take the hands of those beside us. As I looked across the church, row after row, person after person was connected to their neighbor in a beautiful display of love and honor for the Lord. We all prayed together, as a “body of believers” holding hands, and holding one another up, though we were all bent beneath different loads of craziness. This revealed true unity to my heart and showed me what it is I have been so earnestly searching for. I plan on attending this church in the future and getting involved.

I noticed the pastor’s care in delivering solid Biblical truth and was appreciative of his message. The Lord spoke through this stranger of a man, in a beautiful place of worship and openness to the Spirit to my heart; so much so, that I felt led to share a portion of the message principles with my CIT group this morning during my teaching time. The logic behind this involved the intention of solidifying what I heard yesterday in my life and heart so I may live up to a higher standard of holiness before God that points others to Him and gives Him all glory, honor, and praise. This is important because I must practice the truth I speak and teach others, in order that I may live it fully, understand it, accept it, and grow in it. God is faithful!

really letting go

2009-06-09T20:47:00.000-04:00

I was reminded today that I cannot change people. I cannot make people fall in love with Christ, and I certainly cannot make people experience a deep sense of God’s love. The only things I can do are to rest – in Christ, and trust as He molds, breaks, mends, and fashions me more into His likeness, that I will point others to His healing strong right hand. The only hand capable of upholding us in times of struggle, grief, sorrow, pain, joy, praise, everything! I can only strive to look “more like my Daddy” in Heaven, and be held accountable for how I choose to spend and distribute my time, energy, resources, and affections.

The Bible is clear in giving us the appropriate focus of where our minds and hearts should be. 1 John 5:21 says, “Dear children, keep away from anything that might take God’s place in your hearts”. Proverbs 4:23 echoes this plea urging us, “Guard your heart above all else, for it determines the course off your life”. Reflecting on these verses in Scripture, I am reminded how the Lord often reminds me of the importance of loving Him above all else. Many of us in the world struggle to love, with all of ourselves, the very God who gave His life for us. For me! I am so unworthy of such a beloved, selfless gift of Love! True, real love!

This was an important realization for me because I also recognize how greatly I desire to share this love with others and how important it is that I take action sharing it. Atlantic, a band of worshipers and dear brothers in Christ, recorded a song on their worship album in which the lyrics powerfully proclaim the deep aching desire of my heart for the Lord and to live for Him alone, “All I am, for all You are – nothing else can satisfy God, all I am, for all You are, nothing else can satisfy God...”. Nothing else, but all of us satisfies this all-powerful, loving, jealous God. Nothing!! I want SO badly for young people, this generation, my generation, to behold and embrace this truth! My heart and my flesh cry out – for the Living God!

I noticed an intense desire and drive this morning in my heart as I led my CIT leadership group in a time of quiet, reflective, creative worship. We set up our classroom to be an environment that was rather peaceful and I played music softly in the background to help the teens feel less awkward about writing, drawing, praying, meeting and communing with God. I assumed this would be a difficult challenge for several persons in my group and I found my perception to be correct, however, I also assumed at one point that no one was really getting out of this experience, what I felt they should be. That’s when God clunked me on the head and reminded me, “Christy, you cannot make people love Me”. Ouch!

The logic behind this is simple: I can’t – that’s the truth! I was emotionally a little distraught, humbled, and peacefully assured, all at the same time. We shared a discussion time following our quiet time and with the exception of two teens, I received very positive feedback. They all desired to share this experience again. They communicated an interest in different ways of worshipping God and expressed their thankfulness for peace and quiet to think about God and to just “be”. I hate how the enemy can cause disappointing, distracting thoughts in our minds.

I assumed, from the outside that nothing was happening in their hearts – that they maybe even thought I was foolish for ever making them participate in such a “boring activity” – but once again, I was wrong, and God’s Spirit, I trust and know is working in the deepest chambers of their hearts, on a level I have no ability nor right to perceive – and that is what matters. It’s not me, not my feelings, not even my ability to please or get through to the group – all that matters is Christ’s love for them and their journey in learning to accept it and live as children who know the Father’s love – deeply! I still have a LOT of growing to do – but AMEN for that and PRAISE be to God who patiently walks with me directing me along His path – baby step by baby step.

visiting great gram

2009-06-02T22:26:00.004-04:00

On our way down to Georgia we stopped into Great Gram's nursing home to visit her.
What a beautiful, sweet lady she is. She is turning 90 in October!
I'd missed her a lot and haven't seen her in a few years - though her mind and hearing are a little weak and weary at times - she is still quite the little story teller with a whole lot of love bubbling in her heart!

I was reminded as we visited how important it is to stay in touch with our loved ones. People are of greatest value - each one unique in their own way. We should choose to willingly love one another without an agenda and to embrace the blessed opportunities we are given to invest in the lives of those around us - we never know when or if these opportunities will come again!

A Glimpse of Internship (Reflection #1)

2009-06-01T19:42:00.004-04:00

Welcome to Hephzibah Ministries! This is my home in Georgia for the next 6 months! This is the sign by the road that welcomes everyone to the Hephzibah campus. Nestled a small, yet quaint way back in the woods, this spot is a quiet, sunshiny, and beautiful spot for the community and residential outreach Hephzibah does.Here is a glimpse of where I am living on this internship adventure!

This is the gymnasium at Hephzibah where the Camp Pathway office is located as well as an indoor pool, gymnasium and mini-theatre. We have spent a lot of time in this facility for training and preparing for camp thus far.

Here is our Camp Pathway sign - many of these are posted along the roadway leading up to the heart of Hephzibah's campus to direct campers to our day-camp programming.

Random number? Nah just a caution and reminder to GO SLOW...there are children around. These comical, yet serious speed limit signs marked 17 mph are legitimate and posted all along the roadway at Hephzibah. As a result of people's tendency to go WAY too fast, there have also been speed bumps added today to ensure people take the 17 mph warning seriously!

This is the dining hall where we eat the large majority of our meals with residents before or after our workday activities.

Here is one of the street signs on campus. All the roads have cute, kid friendly names reminding us that we are at a ministry facility aimed at ministering to the hearts of children.

This is House 105 where I reside at Hephzibah along with 6 other ladies who are working for the summer. Beautiful, eh?

Here is our large kitchen where we cook together on the weekends.
This place is a good reminder of home!

Here is our upstairs living room where we sometimes sit together and watch "chick flicks" or favorite old Disney movies on the first televisions ever invented (we're not really sure about this, but it is really old!).

Here is my bedroom where I catch beauty sleep each night and work on projects for internship! Each of the girls in our house has their own room, with the exception of two who share.

This is our bathroom...as you may notice there are urinals in the background. This is rather comical for a house full of girls. However, we are living in what used to be the Junior Boys home. However, the state ruled that children under the age of 13 are no longer allowed to live in group home settings, so Hephzibah is now only able to facilitate housing for 13-18 year olds and college age independent students.

This is me playing the piano in our living room. I've been practicing all Mrs. Klob taught me last semester and enjoyed some wonderful worship times in the quietness of our living room. My piano skills are increasing and so is my heart for leading worship. This piano, though it carries nearly a third of sticky keys has been a giant blessing for me. It's how I unwind or just think from a long day.

This is Mrs. Charlane (my supervisor) and myself. She is a wonderful woman of God with a passionate heart for the work of the Kingdom.

Here is a picture from the Whistle Stop Cafe in Juliette Georgia (home of the movie set Fried Green Tomatoes). Some of the people I am working with this summer are in the photo enjoying fried green tomatoes n' sweet tea.

spotting the snakes

2009-05-28T22:56:00.000-04:00

Yesterday we got a tour of the wooded nature trails and I learned perhaps one of the most valuable pieces of information thus far in my “beware of creepy critters” file in my mind: the obvious difference between poisonous and non-poisonous snakes. The difference lies in the shape of their head.

It is rather comical to consider that non-poisonous snakes are rather plain in color and tend to blend in with their surroundings. They have a round shaped head that follows the contour of their body and do not change shape as they slither around on the ground. The poisonous snakes however, have a diamond shaped head, and tend to attract great curiosity. They may have pretty skin-tones (copperhead) or make inviting noises (rattlers), and yet their bite may be lethal, especially babies because their venom is so potent.

As I consider and reflect upon this nature lesson from a distance, my mind has begun to relate the nature and makeup of these poisonous and non-poisonous snakes to people we encounter in our lives each day. It is easy most of the time for us to recognize plain ol’ snakes and to shoo them away, to flick them off the trail we are so obediently walking on. However, it is not only difficult to handle the poisonous ones. We sometimes lose sight of the lethality of their bite and perhaps even compromise our caution in trying to “handle” them in a situation.

The charm and fright of the noise they produce, the colors of their skin, or maybe even the thrill of exploring just a “little bit” off the trail tend to distract us just long enough to be struck. James chapter 3 speaks about the tongue being “filled with deadly poison”. Likewise, so are some of the “snakes” we allow into our lives without a second thought. They represent the “snakes” that distract or lure us off the safety of the trail. I want to be vigilant and wise in steering clear of the poisonous snakes that try to lure me off the correct pathway. I am reminded that the only way I can accomplish this is by resting in, trusting, and relying upon the Word.

unexpected friendly company

2009-05-26T22:26:00.001-04:00

Just over a week ago, I arrived in Macon, Georgia with my parents, ready to explore where I will be living for the next six months. The week flew by complete with three days of intensive life guarding and First Aid/CPR training. As Sunday rolled around I was ready for some rest. Some of the residents invited me and a few of my housemates to attend church with them about ten minutes away from the facility. This was a good opportunity to reconnect in the body of Christ and to worship the Lord freely. I was reminded however, that big lights and distracting movements are rather unappealing when one leads worship, and that it is not a matter of how giant the stage, nor how grand the decorations or marvelous the facility, but it is Christ alive in us, in our hearts, and the grandness of His presence beating, breathing, and overflowing in and through our lives.

Later Sunday evening we were invited to the Macon Wesleyan Church to share in fellowship at a church barbeque. The closeness and intimacy of this small group of people blessed my heart. Their warm smiles and openness in conversation helped me flee from any temptation to be shy in a new environment. Matt, one of our staff leaders gave us a tour of some of the beautiful neighborhoods around us and I was captivated by the glory and beauty of God in the Georgia landscape as the sun closed on a rather intense and busy week.

Memorial Day for me marked the official start and beginning of my internship journey. Today was a good day for reflection and rest as we prepare for yet another intense week of staff training beginning tomorrow morning bright n’ early at 8:00am. My supervisor visited our house tonight to meet with myself and the other six girls who I will be living with this summer at Hephzibah. We were reminded that we are to set an example for the residents here and what is expected of us this summer as camp-staff and young adult representatives of Christ. It felt good to finally connect as an entire group and to gauge the dynamics of what our living arrangement for the summer has in store.

I spent the better part of the morning at the health clinic down the road waiting to be seen for swimmer’s ear. I woke up knowing that I had likely developed swimmer’s ear from all our rescuing and time spent in the pool last week during lifeguard training. However, the Lord is always faithful in providing divine appointments when we least expect them. Busily reading a book for internship Mrs. Charlane assigned to me, I sat, ear throbbing, only to be greeted by the pleasant smile of an older woman. She inquired about whether or not my book was Christian and I told her it was written from a Christian perspective and then shared with her my love for the Lord only to watch as her husbands grin grew larger and deeper into his face. This was a bit of a challenge for me to speak about the Lord in a hospital clinic, but my heart felt at rest and overjoyed at the opportunity. They in turn shared their love for Jesus as well and we spent the next two hours in conversation (though they did most of the talking) as we waited.

What amazed me most about this couple was their shamelessness and passion for Christ. Their lives of devotion and loyalty were evident as they spoke and interacted with people at the clinic. I soon learned that The Popes celebrated their 58th wedding anniversary just a few days ago and they were quick to share with me the testimony of God’s blessings in their lives over their lifetime. Just as they are dedicated to one another, they are seemingly also dedicated to the Lord. Sometimes being sick can be a drag, but I know the Lord showed His purpose in this visit.
I hope and pray to one day share a devoted life of love and service to Christ with whoever my future husband may be. In the meantime, I hope to be empowered by the Lord to have many more conversations and divine appointments with the people in Macon, GA about the love of Jesus Christ. After all, this is what life is truly ALL about!

transitioning and preparing

2009-05-25T22:06:00.003-04:00

I became a lifeguard this week.
We had a few days of intense training - and fun staff bonding.
Staff training for camp and our summer preparation will be in full swing this week.
I'm excited to see what God has in store for this next season of internship.
I'm blown away by His daily faithfulness and outpouring of love.
Developed swimmer's ear and had to get some ear drops today at the clinic.
Met an older couple who, this week, celebrated their 58th wedding anniversary.
It blows me away how people can spend an entire *lifetime* together.
I hope one day to love like this - to share a life for the glory of God.
I trust that though I don't know who "he" is yet, that God is right now raising up and preparing a wonderful, faithful, strong, and consistent man of God to be my husband - who values purity, lives with Christ at the center of all he does and thinks, and whose character is a reflection of the Lord.

I'll update later on this week about intern adventures.
I appreciate your prayers and thoughts! God bless!

Welcome to Macon, Georgia

2009-05-18T21:11:00.003-04:00

This afternoon we (mom, dad, and I) arrived in Macon, GA...to begin the first leg of this new journey: internship. On Wednesday, Mom and Dad will return to the chilly county of Aroostook in Northern Maine, lucky them!

Complete with sunshine, a warm breeze, and beautiful budding magnolias, we felt very welcomed by the southern charm of the residents and peacefulness of this countryside. We've done a little exploring around the area and I'm excited to see what God has planned for me here over these next 6 1/2 months.

Stay tuned for more updates on this season of life and some pictures to show you what this place is all about!

laugh out loud

2009-05-15T12:35:00.002-04:00

Running errands for my dad yesterday afternoon led me to Walmart - as I was checking out with some groceries I glanced to my right and behold I saw something quite comical - there in a cart piled high in every direction, angle and pocket of space in the cart sat a little toddler. This little blonde girl wearing a bright pink dress sat patiently playing with groceries that were not only packed all around and aboveher, but were packed beside, behind, etc. It was hilarious. This little girl actually looked like a grocery. It was a picture perfect moment, I wish I'd had my camera, but this is my best attempt at drawing what I saw: